A Ballad I Ran

A Time or two ago there was a man who traveled afar
He traipsed across the countryside and frequented inns and bars
Through his travels and adventures he gained fortune and fame
A bard, a hero, a scoundrel, Ran Dansin was his name.

For a time he had not been seen in all his home lands
Twas rumored he was in other worlds or simply relaxing on the sands
The world was still young, not all places had been traveled
One merely had to seek out beasts to quickly be unraveled

One of these creatures awoke and sought out destruction
none can recall what it was called, just that it caused great disruption
needless to say it was of an evil way, terrorized and slew
a few tried to get it to die, but none knew exactly what to do

The beast had been sighted near a hamlet, the folks shook with fear
but over the crest of a hill, a merry tune being sung, they did hear
a tall hat with checkered pattern and wear, atop a man with great stride
an overlarge nose, odd cape, boots with red fringe and a rapier at his side.

Turn away traveler, the townspeople warned,
a beast most fowl and its company you should scorn
HA! cried the man, a good song it will make
Bring me your strongest willing bodies and, perhaps some tea and cake?

so assembled, the few of the village who were true
they wondered at this odd man and wondered at his world view
as to the creature, what does it do he inquired after tea
it tears and bites and knocks down walls, none has returned that did see

The crumpets were delicious, he said, but use creme instead of milk
as for this creature, i might be wearing one of its ilk
do you have any remnants from an earlier attack?
why yes, some piped up, our old great uncle, carl and aunt jack

they brought forth a pretty thing of lace and set it below Dansin's face
ah, mayhaps were they tailors and this was their last piece
no it was jacks, the two were lost in the last attack
oh, eheh, gimme a moment to inspect the item, in the meanwhile, have any sack?

so they brought for a jug a few went glug-alug and dansin sat in thought
he turned the fabric this way and that and sniffed it an awful lot
after the booze had been drunk up, he suddenly jumped
i know this creature, ive fought one before and have a trump

he flipped off his hat and placed it upside down and began to dig within it
he cursed and hooted and jumped once or twice, the bottomed seem to have no limit
till finally he pulled out a bottle as well as a fishing pole
and to the questioning looks he replied, im not getting close to it would any of you souls?

he set out to the hillside where the monster was last seen, other brave townies in tow
he hooked the bottle to the pole and set it in a tree, and said, watch how we do this just so
they waited in quiet, they waited in fear, the suspense was great at the time
then it got late, and a few yawned and graped, but then, there was a tug at the line

all of them sweated and strained to see, but the dusk confused their sight
they knew it was the beast from the snarls and teeth against bottle, its bite
Ran just held the pole, line slack and limp, he didnt real or tug, just sat
then the line went taught, the bottle went crash, and the villagers froze where they were at

coughing and wheezing and howling and screaming came from the beast
then slowly but surely the ruckus got quieter and the it made noise the least.
Ran waited an extra moment then said that should do it and just strolled towards the bait
and the people heard him say we live but for this thing, its too late

it took a few minutes for the truth to sink in, but at last the people knew
the thing was no more , they were safe now, for Dansin had slew
but they heard knife against bone and grunt and slash and feared for Ran's life
one brave went to Dansin, but found him knee deep in its blood and in his hand a new bone fife

my companion got the last one, he said with blood on his brow
i only got this belt, but balls to him, i have the set now
the creature was unrecognizable, what it was only Dansin knew
but the leather was supple and its meat made a great stew

at the banquet that morning many inquired what the bottle was
Dansin told them truthfully, it was no more than dandelion and suds
they were dumbfounded, and stunned, to believe many were loath
Ran calmly explained, that that creature was fiercely allergic to both

A Time or two ago there was a man who traveled afar
He traipsed across the countryside and frequented inns and bars
Through his travels and adventures he gained fortune and fame
A bard, a hero, a scoundrel, Ran Dansin was his name.