The Third Tale

Fable III was a blast, accept for that damned main storyline.

You might have read some of my previous impressions about this game, but I finally powered through it and "finished" it.

First of all, Zero Punctuation has got my back on this one, almost verbatim.

Only a few differences in my case, instead of playing the Real Estate Game and letting it run overnight I maxed out Blacksmithing and made swords till I couldn't see straight. Seriously, if everyone in Albion had three hands, men, women and children would have had two extra swords, yo.
And then, when I'm finally in the black (instead of -500,000 because you say "yes" to all the stuff that ISN'T blatantly "this is Reaver's idea to make you evil" with no third options that make sense) I realize I have to raise MORE money in order to save lives, and the little monkey with an abacus in my brain says "dude, that's like 1,000 a head, or something, I don't wanna do the actual calculation, that would be hard." So I go and make some more cash to start buffing out my coffers. I actually manage to open a door that GIVES me a crap-ton of gold, and try to do a few achievement quests or quests that are unique but don't have an obvious time-line/main storyline ti-ins.

The main storyline is prompting me to do stuff, but I remember 0-Punctuation Guy saying there's a "time limit" till the darkness comes, "oh, there it is 'days left: 151' sweet, I have some time." So I start the main questline and it throws me straight into "Darkness here, you're all kinds of fuct!" And then, Guess what!?!?!? It was in Walter the whole time from that stupid fucking "itsa Trap!" cave, so, now that your Holy Wheaties Avenger of Light (or Babies for Breakfest, Puppies for Desert, Tea with Hitler-Evil) you get to have a showdown with the creature IN YOUR TOWN SQUARE! Not in some epic castle, or wind-swept awesome battlefield, or anything, no, right there, next to where that guard, gave you that repeatable quest and you hit on that guy once to get a gay admirer.

BULLSHIT!

HA! The suck doesn't end there, you get your ending where everyone QQ's over Walter and Jasper drops a bomb on you that even though you managed to be a paragon of Awesomeness (in my case) By giving everyone everything they said they wanted, (accept for reduced casualties, whoops, my bad, whatever) that a bunch of people STILL hate you. I get the impression he doesn't just mean Reaver, Bandits, and that one guy who writes the crappy smack talk mail to everyone.
Um, I'm done with this game at that point, it leaves you open to keep playing and get everything else in the game, but I had started griping at T1nk by this point, hoping the end credits would have some fun stuff on them, ah well, guess not.
And where the hell are the quests that give you a crap ton of money because you are a good person? There was like, one, and it MIGHT have canceled one of those hard decisions, but not nearly on a scale to get a favorable ending, only if you entered the game ready to make money, or (as is sometimes the case) you are a brilliant savant with money in video games.
OR, another possibility that this game made me consider, I'm bad at video games, that's how much this game made me wonder.
And where the hell are my top hat and goggles, steampunk/industrial revolutionary style/oliver twist like video game!?!? Every Tom, Denise, and Harriette and vaguely effeminate Reaver are wearing rockin Makers Faire ensembles, and the best I get is the bandit's outfit!?! Gah!
So, if you're still reading this, if you have a chance to borrow this game or have a game fly account and want a new game, go ahead and play it through. Honestly, I think Lion's Gate should make a full blown MMO or just a super-RPG like a FF or KH, because just RPG-ing in the universe is a blast, the combat is fun but not terrible, the system's were okay, and the worlds are immersive. I would love to maybe even Table top an Albion campaign (say hey, that's a good idea, hrrmm..) So, yeah, I love the work they do and the voice acting was crazy ( mean, come on, a Python & a Doctor? Fuck yeah) but they really needed to work on that main storyline for me. I've heard others praise it like mad, but, not my cup of tea, sorry.

MOM! The Game Wont Let Me Play the Way I Want

Imma talk about some bullshit!

World of Warcraft: wait, don't get ahead of me, let me tell you.

Oh yeah, spoilers, yadda yadda, duh, get over it.

In Hyjal, at least twice, I was seriously annoyed. You're supposed to talk to this satyr who's been chained up for a few centuries and be like "nice Mr. evil man, I know your evil, but the twilight dudes gonna destroy the world, help please?" Im okay with that, sure, redeem people whateva. Then he's like "get me this stuff noob for no good reason." and my bullshit alarm goes off in my head, but fine, I gather this crap for him, and what happens?! exactly what you'd expect, the mats set him free and he cackles, now there's another boss in the new raid, I don't know this for sure, but that's the impression I get.

Then! I encounter this ancient who's on fire, he's all emo and shit cause he's a tree . . . on fire, I understand, but I kill the mobs attacking him an d I'm also a FROST MAGE!!! Fire? I fuck fire for breakfast. Yes, I said that. I'm standing there like, "Dude, Mr. McBranchhands, i got this," but NOOOOO, he's like, "take this seed it is the life giver," or some druidic shit like that, and I'm all bummed now. Thanks.

Fable III:

This is some bullshit in this game. At least in two everyone died in a way you had no control over, and the only complaint I had was the inability to kill reaver even though he totally deserved it. In three, everyone dies right in front of you and you cant stop it because its stupid cutscene bullshit. First there's that stupid choice between the citizens and your girlfriend and I'm all like "where's the option to stab my brother and become king?" but no. Then, I accidentally hit the fat noble trying to restore the bridge to the gypsy camp form two. I was down, I made the donation, accidentally had safe off and hit him, guard stopped me, I paid the fine, and then I tried to interact with tubby to play patty-cake with him, maybe dance, make him fell better, but no. no interaction option with Sir Lardo Funnybritches. THEN, the reaver event pissed me off to no end, but I'm like "my character doesn't know, whatever."

Then! They kill Mr. Mustache. My favorite character in the whole game except for Jasper (who they better not kill cause he's John Cleese and in the Sanctuary) gets fuckin shot in the head right in front of me public execution style, no attempts to rescue, stop or even acknowledge that this is not something my character would suffer easily. LAME!

And of course, shortly thereafter. Walter in the pit of stupid shadow doom where magic is not acknowledged except for the stupid shadow pit thing. I would NEVER have left Walter there, I would have fireman carried his chubby ass all the way across that desert, corpse or not.

So there.