Tuesday, January 11, 2011

MOM! The Game Wont Let Me Play the Way I Want

Imma talk about some bullshit!

World of Warcraft: wait, don't get ahead of me, let me tell you.

Oh yeah, spoilers, yadda yadda, duh, get over it.

In Hyjal, at least twice, I was seriously annoyed. You're supposed to talk to this satyr who's been chained up for a few centuries and be like "nice Mr. evil man, I know your evil, but the twilight dudes gonna destroy the world, help please?" Im okay with that, sure, redeem people whateva. Then he's like "get me this stuff noob for no good reason." and my bullshit alarm goes off in my head, but fine, I gather this crap for him, and what happens?! exactly what you'd expect, the mats set him free and he cackles, now there's another boss in the new raid, I don't know this for sure, but that's the impression I get.
Then! I encounter this ancient who's on fire, he's all emo and shit cause he's a tree . . . on fire, I understand, but I kill the mobs attacking him an d I'm also a FROST MAGE!!! Fire? I fuck fire for breakfast. Yes, I said that. I'm standing there like, "Dude, Mr. McBranchhands, i got this," but NOOOOO, he's like, "take this seed it is the life giver," or some druidic shit like that, and I'm all bummed now. Thanks.

Fable III:
This is some bullshit in this game. At least in two everyone died in a way you had no control over, and the only complaint I had was the inability to kill reaver even though he totally deserved it. In three, everyone dies right in front of you and you cant stop it because its stupid cutscene bullshit. First there's that stupid choice between the citizens and your girlfriend and I'm all like "where's the option to stab my brother and become king?" but no. Then, I accidentally hit the fat noble trying to restore the bridge to the gypsy camp form two. I was down, I made the donation, accidentally had safe off and hit him, guard stopped me, I paid the fine, and then I tried to interact with tubby to play patty-cake with him, maybe dance, make him fell better, but no. no interaction option with Sir Lardo Funnybritches. THEN, the reaver event pissed me off to no end, but I'm like "my character doesn't know, whatever."
Then! They kill Mr. Mustache. My favorite character in the whole game except for Jasper (who they better not kill cause he's John Cleese and in the Sanctuary) gets fuckin shot in the head right in front of me public execution style, no attempts to rescue, stop or even acknowledge that this is not something my character would suffer easily. LAME!
And of course, shortly thereafter. Walter in the pit of stupid shadow doom where magic is not acknowledged except for the stupid shadow pit thing. I would NEVER have left Walter there, I would have fireman carried his chubby ass all the way across that desert, corpse or not.

So there.

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