International Anklebiter Illustrator Day

(Post via: Playing D&D With Porn Stars by Zak Sabbath

I Totally need to find a kid to help me with this. Maybe a High Schooler [and I am constantly made aware that blogger doesn't like me using the word "schooler" in an attempt to get me to learn that I should type "high school student" to which I say "Fuck you blogger! These are my word-letter-slabberings, I will have my way with them as I see fit!"] I know. Seeing as the small children I normally interact with are heathens, but I do have hopes for them as The Firstborn is constantly harassing me during my most intimate of moments [replaying Ocarina of Time on the N64 in my boxers for the nth time] and demanding in her stilted, confidence-lacking stutters that she be able to borrow my copies of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" and "The Nightmare Before Christmas." Perhaps there is potential there. Though I am dubious of The Clever one's motives in everything she does as she seems to know too much though she be only 4.)

As is the case with many working artists, people often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.

I do indeed: get a job.

Our economy is deficient in many fundamental ways and should current trends continue you will be shipped overseas in a melon box to work for a Chinese person long before you reach college age.

Another thing people often ask me is: Can you draw this for me? To which I generally answer: No.

Now it doesn't take an Ivy degree to see we have a classic chocolate-and-peanut-butter situation here.

To wit: I declare and ordain May 29th as International Anklebiter Illustrator Day throughout RPGlandia.

Here is what you must do:

1. Locate a child.

2. Locate two one-dollar bills or the local equivalent.

3. Explain patiently to the child that you--a dungeon master or otherwise appointed administrator of a substantial swath of fictional space--are desirous of illustrations.

4. Explain to the child that you are contracting him or her to provide such imagery at a page rate of 1 dollar per page. (Which believe you me is a sum infinitely greater than many web and print publications currently offer for such services.)

5. Explain to the child that the deadline is May 28th, thus allowing you, the client, at least one day to scan and upload the drawing to the internet.

Note that this may require you explaining to the child the definition of the word "deadline" as well adumbrating the process by which days accumulate into months and that these accumulated months are then packaged and named for ease of public consumption. I trust that you are up to the task and that they are probably too young for any of this information to strike them as being as traumatic as it actually is.

6. After acquiring their informed consent, give them the specific assignments:

The first drawing can be anything you, the GM, want--you can take a crappy town you drew and ask the child to redraw it better, you can describe a treasure the child needs to create and detail, you can have the child make a dungeon map of their own design. It is none of my concern so long as it fulfills a need in your campaign.

The second drawing, however, must be a displacer beast. This is because I have grown jaded and strange over the long years and so have you and it will entertain both of us mightily to see children's interpretations of the catlike and inimitable displacer beast erupt all over the internet come May 29.

Tell them color is preferable and may get them an extra 25 cents to spend in any way they please. Glitter, construction paper, play-doh or digital media are also acceptable.

7. Now we all know freelancers are chronic whiners without respect for authority. If the child tries to pass substandard work off on you, print out the following drawings and shake them in the child's face menacingly, saying "ONE OF THESE CHILDREN WAS TEN AND THE OTHER WAS ELEVEN!

CHRIS AUMAN DREW THIS IN A CAVE WHEN HE WAS 12 WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

...IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE MORE LIKE THEY ARE! PICK UP THAT SPARKLETUBE AND GET CRACKING, TOAD! YOUR DROPPED CHEERIOS ARE OF NO INTEREST TO ME, WE DO NOT DO EXCUSES HERE!"

8. Upload such work as is produced onto the internet on May 29th. Inform me of the url by the usual channels or via rapid Clown-O-Gram. No hobo clowns.

9. If, in the interim, you have seen fit to employ the child further on campaign work since the initial work order, please upload any and all projects fulfilled to date on the 29th.

10. Older children or those possessed of extraordinary skill may be employed at a higher rate if you see fit--though not too much higher. You must not create the hope in their minds that they, as freelance creatives, can expect to work under any but the most animalistic conditions. Conversely, if the child is exceptionally poor or uneducated, you may be able to get them to work for only a nickel.

11. You have my permission to republish this message on your own blog. In fact, if you intend to participate or would like others to do so, I encourage it.

If you're extremely clever, you might be able to get them to draw you a whole planet and then wrap it around a globe digitally like so.

Got Your Ticket?

It's time to ride my train of thought again! Hold on, even I don't know if it's a one way or a circuitous clover leaf of madness. Caution, Do Not Read! Contains heavy content as well as flippant. feel free to skip to parts that take your interest. You have been warned.


"Feelings . . . thing about . . . uninspired inspiration."
I was having trouble trying to develop a coherent post for you guys. And, after consuming some new and old art (i.e. music, shows) I was reminded of a mind set I have often spoken in theatre. "To hell with the audience, this is for us." Now don't get me wrong, as of right now and from the start, I love you guys. As far as I can tell the bulk of you guys are friends or people who found me interesting and stuck around, I very much appreciate that and hold that interest close to my heart, thank you. But before I get all mushy, I'm going to get to my point. Wait, no I'm not. I say "from the start until now" because I wait with bated breath for my first trolls and critiques, and though I may not like them, I am . . . preparing myself, for brutal opinions and criticism.
Now for the point. As with many things in life, dominantly art, but also in science, labor and spirituality. It's best, most powerful. when you do it for yourself. When the goal is fulfillment, enrichment, or plain honest work.
Hence the crazy dense random post. I'm writing because I want this blog to be excellent because it's an outlet for me and I wish to share the amalgamation that is my brain, because I like to tell stories, share my brain AND it would seem many people have expressed a desire to receive that. So, to the lovers and the haters, thanks for reading, thanks for thinking. Oh, and PLEASE don't stop thinking.

Other thing I wanted to gab about.

Pathfinder/D&D character build.
(Warning: I'm just going to blab about a build or two I'm cooking up and most likely not going to explain too much or link to anything, I'm just going to assume you know exactly what the hell I'm blathering about OR, you can look it up yourself.)
I'm cooking up a build for a roguish, rakish, dual wielding, dashing, snarky bastard only out for himself. He's a Dansin, which means he needs to be able to detect magic, because all Dansin's interact with the arcane through olfactory senses. In 3.5 I could always burn my human feat on Insightful to give me detect magic, read magic &/or mage hand. However, as of this posting I can't find any feats that give me this sort of thing. I did think that perhaps I could take Minor Magic rogue talent, but, you don't get rogue talents till level 2. So, seeing as there are no restrictions on multiclassing, I thought maybe taking my first level in Bard. Why bard and not sorcerer or something, because I also had the idea that since he's a brash jerk he might take Dazzling Display to intimidate his opponents.
More specifically, I have this vision of him standing over dandies who challenged him to single combat whom he then destroyed, wooing women along the way. Glorious, right (slight sarcasm, but tell me if the concept doesn't have some . . . romance)?
But! Then I also kind of wanted to take Weapon Specialist variant because I intend for him to dual wield a Brace (or 'Case')" of rapiers. I would have to take 4 levels of  Wep. Spec. to get to the first perk, then 2 more levels of Two weapon fighter, THEN, 2-5 levels of Rogue with Rake variant, ON TOP of a level in Bard to get my Dansin traits. Pathfinder Society play only goes up to level 12. Ive almost maxed out levels just trying to get to the full build of my awesome character concept. Is it to broken?
AND, there are no rules anywhere, so far, for a Brace of Rapiers AANNDD I kind of want it to be a trick set where you can actually carry it on one side and without a good perception check most people will think it's a single rapier. So, I'll have to convince my DM's to use special rules I've been cooking up using the Dual Katana Staff, Rapier, cane sword, and weapon damage charts to come up with a good presentation.
Baring that, I may have to keep two sets of gold tallies if a DM says No, and I have to go traditional Two rapiers, or Rapier & short sword, or some such.
And as a note, I WORE two rapiers just last Sunday, it's not that uncomfortable, so I could totally do that, I don't actually think it looked that goofy.

I had another build or two planned, maybe even confess I FINALLY watched Firefly all the way through, but then again maybe not. should be able to cook up some sort of 3rd for th3 nerd before the end of the month. now it's just rambling, less rant/idea sharing. I'll call it now, as it's been 12 hours since I started this post and I think I'm good. Hopefully things will continue to not get worse. Wish me a swift recovery as I AM sick as of the writing of this post. Night, H47ites!

Bully, Sir? Not for Me

The Bartitsu Boys (and gals) are still at it!
As some of you might recall a while back I did some posting on Bartitsu and have since been following their site, waiting for different projects to be finished. If you're ready to jump in right away there is a small library worth of resources already, Or, if like me, you have a couple other tomes to dig through (Castle & Hutton personally) they have completed the fore mentioned Documentary. HUZZAH!

Soon, h47ites, I do affirm. I have managed to locate a couple schools in my area that teach European Martial arts as well as I've made a few contacts with different Fight Directors, so I hope to continue my training (and improve my physique at the same time perhaps?) in tandem with bartitsu research and incorporate my knowledge into my fights. I have also been researching Jiu-jitsu schools in my area and even a cane defense teacher in the area to start some cross training in the areas I want to focus on.

I've been contemplating trying to stalk some of the names posted across the Bartitsu site to see if I can get some hands on, live training, I think that would be the most invaluable. We'll see what Shows and work have in mind as far as scheduling.

I am a little annoyed with myself that I had never heard of Combat Con but plan to attend in the near future, maybe even try and talk my store into attending if we get into out-of-state shows. but perhaps more on that in another post.

Dieing to See Stockades

How to get anywhere in WoW. The art of the corpse drop!

Today's segment comes to you, thanks to the mind of my good friend Jubbles, who suggested I write about something we know a lot about, Dieing, and how to use it to your advantage in the Wide World of Azeroth.

Now, this is being written Pre-Cataclysm, but most of these guidelines are universal and I have not heard any major rumblings about if Blizzard will change death once Deathwing hits.

One thing I have always wanted to do in WoW (among, other things ) was to assemble a group and do the opposing factions lowbie instance. Thanks to dungeon finder, this is super easy and ally have done RFC and Hordies have rolled all over in Stockades. BUT, I would love to get a crew together of about level tewnty-ish, run down to STV, swim up the coast, and drop into Stockades, run it, and hearth out. Legit like.

Also, I had another companion, a "melee Lock," who ninjad an epic sword in ST long ago, who would bother me from time to time. I was out in Zangamarsh, finishing up the last quest there, that's about 66 right? And this kid, still not even 55, invites me to group and comes and finds me in the middle of a bunch of naga I had just cleared. He tells me that he has corpse drop explored, almost all of Outland before even hitting upper 50's. That he got a port around 50, and hasn't actually done a quest for two months.

So, the tips.

(Optional, because these feel a bit like cheating) Scout the target
Hit Wowhead , Thottbot , or even the excellent Wowwiki. Search it up, check the terrain, what kind of mobs are there, is it deep in enemy pvp territory (not that this is a deterrent, just good to have the info)? Then hop on your closest flight path.
Stock Up
Get yourself some pots (speed/health/stealth/water walk/water breathing) food, water for regen, make sure your hearth/ port mats are stocked and off cool down for when you achieve your target.

Do!:
Get Naked!

As many of us know, dieing means our gear takes a hit in durability, this is solved by taking it off as you are not killing anything (usually) your the one getting killed! Although do wear non-durability items, like off hand frills & tabards, and many of us like cloth hats, low repair bill, but the right combo means you die in style!

RUN!
Move out, your not going to get there standing naked at the FP, dive into the danger zone!

The 5 "D"s; Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive & Dodge!
This takes some practice but when you perfect the art it can prevent quite a few deaths, if you want to be VERY fastidious, practice in progressively higher level zones until you have it down. Basically, learn where aggro ranges on mobs are relative to your level and their level. This in turn feeds to scoping out clear areas between mobs. I love high mounds as that will often be enough to take you out of a threat range, or even along the side of a hill can keep you away from angry pats and gives you the distance from the large cat chomping on your tabard tails. Which actually leads into my next tip.

Location! Find a Good Plot.
So, you have a small army of kobolds behind you thumping away and you just ran into 30 more, your HP is dropping below 20% and at the rate they are hitting you, you have 2 more seconds of "aspect of the dazed" before your "feign death" becomes "method acting death." Find a good spot to die. You will need to run back to this spot and when you rez, take just as much time to check pats around you and which mobs are about, before you hit that "resurrect" button.

(warning: Crotchety old WoW player Rant)
Back in my day, we didn't have no, new fangled graveyards around every corner, or some zippidy do-da speed increase as ghost form. If that was your problem, you rolled Nelf, and many did. When we died, we had to walk all the way back across the zone, get back to our corpse, and by the time we'd walked back to our poor, outstretched forms all the mobs wed takin 2 minutes a piece to kill, had respawned. Whats the point of this rant? Well, dont complain about not having a graveyard close enough (except for BRM, that one is still silly) and suck it up and get walking, that's part of this seminar, your going to be walking around in that crazy gray-white world with that whooshing noise of "spirit wind" or whateverthehell it is (unless of course, you turn it off in the interface, but, well, that's no fun, unless of course, you're like me and are dead all the time).

Also Optional; Take a friend!
Nothing is more fun in WoW, than doing it grouped. Like many things in life and game-life, having a companion, even if that person isn't actually doing the crazy drops with you, maybe just some guildies in g-chat, can keep you company, share your triumphs, or, deride you for being silly and not asking for a high level escort.

Finally, but not cumulatively, take pictures! Pics or it didn't happen!















Happy Dropping!

Fake, Fo' Real

"I do not wish to keep it real. Well, maybe realistic. I like to keep it fantastic. Or for the vulgar, keep it fake." I said this to an acquaintance of mine when she asked if I was "keeping it real?" I thought about it for a second to come up with a jibe or trite comment because I'm a snarky jerk, but instead it struck a philosophical chord with me.

Shortly after saying that it got me to thinking on how I'm big on escapism and fantasy as a way to get away from what the greater world imposes upon me.

Perhaps this is why Nerdcore can be so easily seen as a parody. In many ways it is, but I think this comes from the natural self deprecation of many nerds and geeks. I have heard countless nerdcore songs that have lame, flat, rambling about how un-hard they are and just as most of our universal dialogue is, it's very self aware.

Are we not being true to ourselves if we don't examine and acknowledge these themes in our art? I find the parody purely acceptable. Being a culture of outcasts mocked and mocking, to point at ourselves is only natural.

Just to be hypocritical though, I do know should an artist who isn't "blatantly geeky" make "nerdcore mock" music he would be chastised by the community. Or if the songs are openly belittling of hip hop roots and culture that thats not fair out of context. I believe many elements of modern and even older mainstream hip hop are "worthy" of some jokes and parody, but I think the mockER should be educated on their subject and informed of what they do.

Oh art, you so crazy. And if you don't like these couple of pennies feel free to leave them in the little tin below, someone else might need them.

The Professional's Dilemma

I like to think I know what I'm talking about. I have used these exact words countless times. I do TRY to take in new information and if an argument is compelling I will shape my knowledge to allow it to inhabit the space of other facts about said subject. Something interesting happens though in the area of . . . . Martial Expertise. Yes, those are two adequately big words that blanket what I will cover in the next few paragraphs. Mmm, delicious vocabulary.

. . . .

I sat and thought and so on for a few hours and tried to wrap my head around what I wanted to say specifically, but your gonna get the incoherent ramblings I'm so well known for. Hold on and try to keep up.

I've been researching and interested in Martial Expertise since I was very young. No surprise considering how so many children, boys and girls, have a fascination with the spectacular sight of combat and the power inherent in weaponry, especially if your body is that weapon. I began earnest research when I was in early high school as I taught myself the differences between functional and non-functional weaponry and practical weaponry, mostly in conjunction with re-enactment and stage combat. It was then I began to see the gap between "normal" knowledge and specialized, gasp, Martial Expertise (I might give a definition later, for the quiz of course). Not just in this specific field, but in general I was learning how people became specialized and had a wealth of knowledge concerning particular areas of study.

(here is where I outline my pedigree, training, and level of expertise on various, you guessed it, Martial areas. BUT, that's best left for my Resume or another Post, I'll try to stay focused . . stop laughing.)

I have noticed, in my decade-plus of time being aware and attentive to such things, That when a person attains a point of expertise, a few levels, if I may borrow from RPG terms, they become a bit aloof, sure of their knowledge and dubious at best about other peoples opinions and ideas concerning their area of expertise. There are excellent gem, exceptions to this, who walk the talk and are honest and cool and open to discuss possibilities, but these are few and far between.
I can see how this can happen, I wont lie, I do it myself. Too often a person who thinks they know more than they do, with WRONG information, because they did not do research, they simple have hearsay, the accumulated knowledge of their father, their best friend who was in the military, kinda, from that movie they saw where the characters gave a detailed break down of an otherwise uninteresting weapon that was used in a cool way, and that one play they were in where they got to carry a sword. On top of all that, these people are usually the kind of people who don't know not to be these people and will not remedy their ignorance.
(And yes, I realize I typed those exact words at the top of this post, I find it poignant and I try to keep this in mind whenever I enter a serious discussion, as I honestly mean what I say. I THINK I know. If you know better, tell me and be precise, don't just let me think you're one of these people I just described.)
I have seen this in martial arts with the few forays I've made into true physical combat, and understandably as movies pervert their art and there are many misconceptions. I have seen it in stage combat, where an actor, or a director or a fight choreographer has a certain way of doing things or is scared because the (chose above role in a show) proclaims to know what they're doing and have the trust of (higher up role) when most of the (lower role) think he's daft. This is also fairly typical considering how preening and proud and confident entertainers have to/try to/become.
Also, of course in the area of weapon knowledge. How many metallurgist/gunsmith/blade designer/art collector/multiple cross-trained modern martial artist/multi-focused regional & era historian/ex-military people do you know that make at least an upper six figure income? Because this is really what the beast is comprised of. And not just an enthusiast of these areas, that's what I am, the above described Renaissance Man of Martial Expertise (I know, I'm sorry) must have degree's and accolades and ranks to show his legitimacy in each area. (oh, you need the income to support these habits, they are rarely inexpensive) If you don't fit that bill, you are merely a mortal amongst the rest of us.

Perhaps it is all simply being jaded, a front to a world that is full of idiocy, I know I feel that way very often. Hrmm . . .

I think I ran out of steam, I'm not sure if there is more to it. I hope you at least understand what I meant. I don't have any answers really, just felt I needed to share this. Maybe in the hopes that there will be less of this silliness and a greater understanding all around.

I'll leave you with the words I say after every fight call I run;
Good? Safe? Ready to do it again tonight? Feel comfortable with it? Excellent,
Good Fight.