Withdrawals

So, I have not played a game of D&D in almost a month or more and it SUCKS.
I should be back behind a screen or a P.C. sheet within a couple weeks, but UNTIL THEN, and even when I usually get my fix, I love to hear about other groups who have A LOT of fun.
I was debating about whether to do a Meme-Orable for this but decided to against it.

Nerd Poker
Hosted by Brian Posehn, quiet nerdy comedian.
New, fun, mature & alternative, with nothing but notable entertainment geeks. As of the 2nd or 3rd episode they start telling stories from past games, it seems many of them including other L.A. nerds like Patton Oswald & Chris Hardwick

Acquisitions Incorporated
Many adventures from these characters, not to mention no shortage of reference comics in the Penny Arcade Archives. Most Recently The Vault of Winter
Penny Arcade, PVP & Wil Wheaton
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/podcasts.aspx
Oh yeah, and this happens fairly regularly as well . . .


Table Titans!
Headed by Scott Kurtz of PVP (of the above groups), not up yet, but can't wait. apparently in association with Wizards of The Coast. Not sure in what capacity, but cool.
http://tabletitans.com/

Zak & the Porn Crew!
I have mentioned how much I love this blog, not to mention ConstantCon!
http://dndwithpornstars.blogspot.com/
and the sadly defunct web series if you want to see what it looks like when you DO have a group full of females (oddly enough, very similar to any other game, go figure).
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/i-hit-it-with-my-axe?page=2

Give them a look over and I'm sorry if you now have some hundred hours to catch up on, it is HILARIOUS!

International Anklebiter Illustrator Day

(Post via: Playing D&D With Porn Stars by Zak Sabbath

I Totally need to find a kid to help me with this. Maybe a High Schooler [and I am constantly made aware that blogger doesn't like me using the word "schooler" in an attempt to get me to learn that I should type "high school student" to which I say "Fuck you blogger! These are my word-letter-slabberings, I will have my way with them as I see fit!"] I know. Seeing as the small children I normally interact with are heathens, but I do have hopes for them as The Firstborn is constantly harassing me during my most intimate of moments [replaying Ocarina of Time on the N64 in my boxers for the nth time] and demanding in her stilted, confidence-lacking stutters that she be able to borrow my copies of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" and "The Nightmare Before Christmas." Perhaps there is potential there. Though I am dubious of The Clever one's motives in everything she does as she seems to know too much though she be only 4.)

As is the case with many working artists, people often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.

I do indeed: get a job.

Our economy is deficient in many fundamental ways and should current trends continue you will be shipped overseas in a melon box to work for a Chinese person long before you reach college age.

Another thing people often ask me is: Can you draw this for me? To which I generally answer: No.

Now it doesn't take an Ivy degree to see we have a classic chocolate-and-peanut-butter situation here.

To wit: I declare and ordain May 29th as International Anklebiter Illustrator Day throughout RPGlandia.

Here is what you must do:

1. Locate a child.

2. Locate two one-dollar bills or the local equivalent.

3. Explain patiently to the child that you--a dungeon master or otherwise appointed administrator of a substantial swath of fictional space--are desirous of illustrations.

4. Explain to the child that you are contracting him or her to provide such imagery at a page rate of 1 dollar per page. (Which believe you me is a sum infinitely greater than many web and print publications currently offer for such services.)

5. Explain to the child that the deadline is May 28th, thus allowing you, the client, at least one day to scan and upload the drawing to the internet.

Note that this may require you explaining to the child the definition of the word "deadline" as well adumbrating the process by which days accumulate into months and that these accumulated months are then packaged and named for ease of public consumption. I trust that you are up to the task and that they are probably too young for any of this information to strike them as being as traumatic as it actually is.

6. After acquiring their informed consent, give them the specific assignments:

The first drawing can be anything you, the GM, want--you can take a crappy town you drew and ask the child to redraw it better, you can describe a treasure the child needs to create and detail, you can have the child make a dungeon map of their own design. It is none of my concern so long as it fulfills a need in your campaign.

The second drawing, however, must be a displacer beast. This is because I have grown jaded and strange over the long years and so have you and it will entertain both of us mightily to see children's interpretations of the catlike and inimitable displacer beast erupt all over the internet come May 29.

Tell them color is preferable and may get them an extra 25 cents to spend in any way they please. Glitter, construction paper, play-doh or digital media are also acceptable.

7. Now we all know freelancers are chronic whiners without respect for authority. If the child tries to pass substandard work off on you, print out the following drawings and shake them in the child's face menacingly, saying "ONE OF THESE CHILDREN WAS TEN AND THE OTHER WAS ELEVEN!

CHRIS AUMAN DREW THIS IN A CAVE WHEN HE WAS 12 WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

...IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE MORE LIKE THEY ARE! PICK UP THAT SPARKLETUBE AND GET CRACKING, TOAD! YOUR DROPPED CHEERIOS ARE OF NO INTEREST TO ME, WE DO NOT DO EXCUSES HERE!"

8. Upload such work as is produced onto the internet on May 29th. Inform me of the url by the usual channels or via rapid Clown-O-Gram. No hobo clowns.

9. If, in the interim, you have seen fit to employ the child further on campaign work since the initial work order, please upload any and all projects fulfilled to date on the 29th.

10. Older children or those possessed of extraordinary skill may be employed at a higher rate if you see fit--though not too much higher. You must not create the hope in their minds that they, as freelance creatives, can expect to work under any but the most animalistic conditions. Conversely, if the child is exceptionally poor or uneducated, you may be able to get them to work for only a nickel.

11. You have my permission to republish this message on your own blog. In fact, if you intend to participate or would like others to do so, I encourage it.

If you're extremely clever, you might be able to get them to draw you a whole planet and then wrap it around a globe digitally like so.

GM Questionnaire

I think some of you may already be familiar with D&D With Porn Stars, either because you now read it, saw "I Hit it With My Axe," or I've mentioned it before. Mr. Sabbath has once more inadvertently assisted me in my endeavors to throw my mind thinkings into the void that is the interwebs with this cool RPG questionnaire. Let us jump right in . . . 

Pathfinder Part 2: the Beginner Box! @ S.G.I.S.Con 6

GM Questionnaire

Repost and answer. Or, if you don't have a blog, answer in the comments. Or be a big rebel and do neither.

1. If you had to pick a single invention in a game you were most proud of what would it be?
I can't think of any one thing I am super proud of. Mostly little things like magical items for my own characters or for the players, well laid out zones (cities/dungeons/castles). I guess it's the little things.

2. When was the last time you GMed?

Sunday night the 15th.

3. When was the last time you played?

Saturday night the 14th kinda. Sunday the 8th a full game.

4. Give us a one-sentence pitch for an adventure you haven't run but would like to.

The blood bags believe its over before 2013, you've begun to suspect your elders don't disagree, ready to travel south of the border to find the truth?

5. What do you do while you wait for players to do things?

Look up creature < double check creature < come up with encounter < double check encounter < Listen to the players complain/gripe/plot/give me ideas for what terrible things could be around that corner/in that hole/the npc could do to them.

6. What, if anything, do you eat while you play?

chips, candy, pizza, burgers, burrito's, pesto on non bread, anything & everything.

7. Do you find GMing physically exhausting? 

I didn't used to, but now that I put much more work into pre-planning, somehow, yes. But of course, as soon as everyone leaves, I am wired and cant go to bed till an hour or more later.

8. What was the last interesting (to you, anyway) thing you remember a PC you were running doing?

As another player's Eidelon(perma-summoned familiar/combat pet) I was a dub-step sparkle bear who spoke all the same languages the summoner did. When asked what my deal was we would say "waiting for the drop."

More seriously, my Shadow-spec Sorcerer developed a spell based off Peter Pan losing his shadow. "peter's Foley" separates the shadow from the target and they take Perma-Con damage until the shadow is re-attached, can only be done with a needle & thread or soap. Shadow attempts to get to the Shadow plan by any means.

9. Do your players take your serious setting and make it unserious? Vice versa? Neither?

Both, we are often very self aware of the ridiculousness of the worlds and it's usually a sign of accomplishment, as in a dedication to the story, when we are not cracking jokes or keeping it light.

10. What do you do with goblins?

play, slay, lay, punch, befriend, get healed by them. It all depends on the situation, game, diplomacy.

11. What was the last non-RPG thing you saw that you converted into game material (background, setting, trap, etc.)?

Dubstep as a cultural starting point? Peter Pan for sinister shadow spells? The 2012 apocalypse as an entire campaign arc? Everything is fair game. 

12. What's the funniest table moment you can remember right now?

My cousin Steve and his friend Mike were hanging out and Mike was watching some documentary on Discovery about Wolves. Steve was Dming a game later that night, Mike was one of the players that evening, he was a Dwarven Warrior with a hatred of Trolls. The party was high level and rolling through every combat Steve through at them, so He threw an army of trolls at them which surrounded the party. The lead troll stepped up and said, "I am Krukta, chief. What you do here?" Steve then asked, "what do you do?" Mike, "I fuck him." Steve, "what?!?" Mike, "well, the manual says trolls have similar tribal structure as wolf packs, and we were watching Discovery and THEY said, if you can fuck the leader and get away with it, you become the new leader . . . so, I fuck the leader." "Fine," says Steve, "roll to grapple." Mike crits his grapple check, then "controls the pin" and Steve is so amused at this point says, "5% chance you create a new race of 'drolls' " then rolls a 97. So the rest of trolls are very confused about this dwarf having his way with their chieftain and all they can muster is "do we help? maybe it Krukta new friend? He like?" But, its not all droll secret service and an army of trolls at your command. Krukta then followed the party as a cohort/nag board for Mike's dwarf for a few months straight.

13. What was the last game book you looked at--aside from things you referenced in a game--why were you looking at it?

Pathfinder Inner Sea World Guide & Pathfinder Tales Novels. I am a sucker for getting immersed in settings and lore. 

14. Who's your idea of the perfect RPG illustrator?

I want all styles as different flavors add different flair and tones to settings/sessions/worlds. It would be like saying I have a favorite type of music, it really is variable.

15. Does your game ever make your players genuinely afraid?

I don't think I've ever made my players spooked scared(in a horror sense) and I'm not sure I've ever made them fear for their characters lives, but I do know that they know, I will not hesitate to throw something on them that will drop their characters.

16. What was the best time you ever had running an adventure you didn't write? (If ever)

I have a good time running most modules. I have not done it much, but have enjoyed the handful I've actually thrown at my players. I've run them multiple times for different groups as well. 

17. What would be the ideal physical set up to run a game in?

That's a tough one because I'm theatre person and would LOVE to have a location for each game that fit the setting, with lighting and sound effects, anything and everything to immerse the players. That said, all I really need is a group, wherever, whenever, lets roll.

18. If you had to think of the two most disparate games or game products that you like what would they be?

I would say I'm kind of bland on this question but, White Wolf: World of Darkness and Paizo's Pathfinder

19. If you had to think of the most disparate influences overall on your game, what would they be?
Shameless internet Meme references, deep literary inspirations, and even cultural influences from arabia to zanzabar, the long way around.

20. As a GM, what kind of player do you want at your table?

One's that show up and will fight for the spotlight for an equal amount of time proportionate to how many participants there are. 4 players, one GM? A fifth of the time, whether it be deep RP, skill check silliness, or just rolling through creeps in a combat.

21. What's a real life experience you've translated into game terms?

All sorts of goofy little things. One of the biggest though is an additional rank of non-magical high quality items to simulate truly exceptional craftsmen. Beyond Masterwork are, in ascending order, Masrtercraft & Masterpeice. Somewhat to denote exceptional forges or even artists of crafts, such as the mythical western smiths or the revered blade artists of the east.

22. Is there an RPG product that you wish existed but doesn't?

Not really, there are so many products out that I still haven't dug my teeth into and want to, that adding more would only frustrate me.

23. Is there anyone you know who you talk about RPGs with who doesn't play? How do those conversations go?
Not on a regular basis as my S.O. plays and most of the people I talk to about it DO play. But even some of them who don't are geeks in other ways (gamers, anime kids, fantasy enthusiasts) so they usually understand everything I'm talking about. I'm not sure if this is entirely a blessing as I would like some fresh perspective sometimes, but then again, when I talk to my father-in-law about it, it becomes stilted and I have to use obtuse examples using mainstream games such as Monopoly and  blockbuster movies like LOTR, to explain what I'm going on about.

Gygax is Rolling in His Grave

And I think he just Crit!
A short but poignant post today. As you may or may not recall, back in March of '08 The Great Gary passed on to a different plane. Even three years later his memory lives on and his family and some of their closest friends and MANY nerds still wish to have a concrete memorial somewhere on our Earth.
Check out the site and the proposed memorial and even throw some cash that way if you wish.
http://www.gygaxmemorialfund.com/

AND, so there's a bit of my brain in this post as well as a nod to this great institution, I'll use an old favorite to hopefully give me a quick & fun post . . . .

(Yup, those are my new Precise Dice, I use them when I'm GMing so less chance my players will gripe. WTF are science/precise dice you might ask? Dig around HERE for an answer)

8! Describe your local area, gamerwise--is their a local game store? Where do your players come from? Do you want more players? Are they your friends? If you play with strangers, who are these people? Where do they come from?

Ooh, a tuffy. Actually, I take that back. I am lucky in some ways that I live in a major metropolitan area that is unequivocally nerdy, Silicon Valley.
There are MANY local game shops, at least half a dozen I am aware of all within a half hour or so of each other, whether they be comic or hobby shops at their core, they are definitely Gamer-friendly.
The players come from everywhere. Jr. High, High School, College, corporate sector, entertainment & service industry.
As for more players, no, I am good. I wish for more time to play with all my players but as most of you who know me personally have more than likely heard me gripe about my inability to tell players, old & new, "no" to joining my gaming group.
They are all my friends and I am responsible for the majority of my current players coming into RPG's. I have played with RPG vets and stranger noobs when I worked at a comic shop for a while, they came for a set, consistent game.
Currently my two groups are all friends and/or co-workers due to large nerdy social circles and a workplace with some VERY interesting perks.

Overall, to anyone who's looking for a game who might be new to the genre or just moved out here, don't sweat, there is a game for everyone out here, we be some of the nerdiest areas on earth, I'd wager. Just keep looking.

A Queue From Porn

I have mentioned Playing D&D With Porn Stars before and was kinda waffling on what to post about, but thankfully the half-bald-bad-ass, Zak, gave me a couple great ideas.

First, a table that promotes RP while allowing some laziness in RP at the same time.
100 ways pc's know each other. I am SO using this in my next campaign, whether I'm GMing or Playing, word to my players, be aware.

Then! there was
"Roll on this table on what to Blog about."
So, I busted out the d10 AND . . . .

5--Write up a monster/trap combination. Neither the monster nor the trap must be original, but the combo must be interesting.

Alright then, my favorite trap, is more of a puzzle, it's an invisible wall of force that bisects a room, that STARTS two feet off the ground, and stops at six feet off the ground. The trick is that you have to describe it to the group correctly to lead them into thinking its a solid, floor to roof, wall while not blatantly lying to them. Perhaps, asking for high DC Int checks to notice they hit their shins but didn't stub their toes if they start to get stumped.

One of the creatures that most amuse me is the Cockatrice, since -I- first encountered it in the epic nine month campaign where this blog's namesake took place.

SO, the combo I have, is to have a room in a dungeon/castle/twisted-Femme-Mastermind-with-strange-tastes' Estate, where the characters enter it, and:

See - The room is divided in half by a low (3 ft high) fence made of sturdy wood & chicken wire. On the opposite side of the room, behind the fencing is a disgusting looking rooster which glares at you menacingly.

And of course, the above mentioned wall is right in front of the fence, between the chicken pen and the players.

Hilarity ensues.

I think in the future I might use this table again as it has multiple uses and I often feel I have a hard time finding segues into table Top RPG posts, Thank you Zak.

You actually WANTED to play!?

I lovingly follow Playing D&D With Porn Stars (don't worry about that adult warning, it's very much like mine, "just in case") and I Hit It With My Axe. Recently Zak posed a certain question which raised my eyebrows and maybe something else. So I mulled it over while I searched for more similar photos, for research, of course.

One of my theories include, either these girls were hanging out with a certain type of guy. Proto-geeks, I guess I would call them. I was friends with a few and they could hide their nerd well when called for. they were on the varsity football team, they got horrible grades, one even went on a family hunting vacation every year and missed a month of school in order to kill things. BUT! they were my best friends through jr. high and early high school. they loved video games, had a good internet understanding and we played D&D, religiously. I've met a few guys who I think they turned into after high school/college and they're not particularly charming, nor do they outwardly display their nerdery as it would single them out as week and un-manly. I have also encountered the smokin hot chicks they attract and associate with, who . . big surprise, could, would and SHOULD be openly fantastically geeky. They are attracted to "jerks" which, oooh boy, we were, and then when confronted with a female either they hid the fact that there was a nerdy bone in their body in order to GET that nerdy bone in her body, OR, the female would snort, deride, or be passive about her request to play, being constantly socially aware of how she is perceived as a female in jr./sr. high and heaven forbid, the burping grunting drooling geek boys before her should think less or little of her for wanting to play a "boy's game." The question might sound something like "Really? Elves and dragons and trolls? Weird(potential code for wrong or stupid). How does that work?" Which translates to "that looks like fun, can I play?" But the boy's hear, "Your game is weird, tell me more so I can make fun of you and not have sex with you ever, and tell other girls to never have sex with you and tell the whole world (all two dozen people we know) how big of a retard you are (yes, retard, because we are all that mean we just learn to curb it, most of us.) The answer is would be something along the lines of "Here's the book," or maybe even "here, let me roll you a character" and then I know in our case her first and only session involves, "you see an elven female, wearing a cloak, boots, a sword and a smile," and the DM promptly gets slapped on the arm and she leaves.

That went off on a good tangent, not sure if it helped. The jist of it was, some of these guys were jerks and become bigger jerks and certain females are attracted to that much "confidence." Although I'm mostly speculating because I only knew two girls who had the slightest interest in participating, and I dated both of them. One moved 3 hours away and my friends didn't like her, and the other, we didn't hang out after we broke up and she had a different agenda in high school.

An actual scenario posited by Theatreg33k is that when they actually attempt to play they are left to their own devices much like guys do with guys, and if you ask for help more than three or four times OR you ask something more complex than "which die is that" the guys get frustrated and then she gets upset and then nobody had fun. I have done this myself, I feel like the biggest jerk ever, I say it's because I know how smart I believe she is and this is why I cant GM, group/raid lead in wow or watch her play video games. She also comments on how a girl changes the dynamic drastically. And it's not just girls, others have talked about, and I will probably too at some point, how one person can change a social situation by miles, doesn't matter. But specifically, dude's don't always know how to conduct themselves around a female friend or even one of their significant others and the "dick joke quota" drops drastically. Amazing insight, I know.

Let me get back to the original question, why would teenage boys say no to a teenage girl? More specifically, why they wouldn't let her play. It ties into the jerk complex above, where the girl just isn't invited. Or maybe adding a new player in the middle of a game who doesn't know the system at all can be a pain.

Oh teenage psycho-emotional issues, how you plague our lives. Remember guys, don't deny you want to have sex with your friend, just don't tell her every hour, and try to be friends with her first. If she wants to make out with you, it will probably happen. Unless she's an anime kid, then you have more problems, BUT fix them by watching anime.

Damn it Feels Good to be a Geeksta

I have been stressing about what or when I was going to have time to blog about considering the several projects and responsibilities I have been involved with recently.

BUT! One sick call in later and some thoroughly nerdy internet activity my mood is improved.

I just downloaded MC Frontalot's newest album "Zero Day" and am bangin my neck to it as I type.

I have been researching all manner of creature and spells in the D&D 3.5 pdf's I have, thanks to reading and excellent Blog by a gent named Zak titled "D&D With Porn Stars." Don't worry, it is deliciously focused on the tabletop element and I have not yet heard a single mention of "The Book of Erotic" although heaven help Zakk should his players get the idea and he go along.

Also, I tried to act upon a long time wish to run a game or two in the Midkemia setting, hoping to find supplements and guides. Alas, there seems to be a deficit. Oh well! I can just bastardize the rules as I usually enjoy.

Finally, I have been doing some research into unique self defense techniques. I have been interested in this particular combat style for a few years now. Bartitsu, or sometimes called in conjunction with Sherlock Holmes, Baritsu. The English gentleman's mode of personal safety. It is mostly cross-training between Judo & Stick fighting but damned if I don't want to learn. Might just buy those books and start getting in shape.