International Anklebiter Illustrator Day

(Post via: Playing D&D With Porn Stars by Zak Sabbath

I Totally need to find a kid to help me with this. Maybe a High Schooler [and I am constantly made aware that blogger doesn't like me using the word "schooler" in an attempt to get me to learn that I should type "high school student" to which I say "Fuck you blogger! These are my word-letter-slabberings, I will have my way with them as I see fit!"] I know. Seeing as the small children I normally interact with are heathens, but I do have hopes for them as The Firstborn is constantly harassing me during my most intimate of moments [replaying Ocarina of Time on the N64 in my boxers for the nth time] and demanding in her stilted, confidence-lacking stutters that she be able to borrow my copies of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" and "The Nightmare Before Christmas." Perhaps there is potential there. Though I am dubious of The Clever one's motives in everything she does as she seems to know too much though she be only 4.)

As is the case with many working artists, people often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.

I do indeed: get a job.

Our economy is deficient in many fundamental ways and should current trends continue you will be shipped overseas in a melon box to work for a Chinese person long before you reach college age.

Another thing people often ask me is: Can you draw this for me? To which I generally answer: No.

Now it doesn't take an Ivy degree to see we have a classic chocolate-and-peanut-butter situation here.

To wit: I declare and ordain May 29th as International Anklebiter Illustrator Day throughout RPGlandia.

Here is what you must do:

1. Locate a child.

2. Locate two one-dollar bills or the local equivalent.

3. Explain patiently to the child that you--a dungeon master or otherwise appointed administrator of a substantial swath of fictional space--are desirous of illustrations.

4. Explain to the child that you are contracting him or her to provide such imagery at a page rate of 1 dollar per page. (Which believe you me is a sum infinitely greater than many web and print publications currently offer for such services.)

5. Explain to the child that the deadline is May 28th, thus allowing you, the client, at least one day to scan and upload the drawing to the internet.

Note that this may require you explaining to the child the definition of the word "deadline" as well adumbrating the process by which days accumulate into months and that these accumulated months are then packaged and named for ease of public consumption. I trust that you are up to the task and that they are probably too young for any of this information to strike them as being as traumatic as it actually is.

6. After acquiring their informed consent, give them the specific assignments:

The first drawing can be anything you, the GM, want--you can take a crappy town you drew and ask the child to redraw it better, you can describe a treasure the child needs to create and detail, you can have the child make a dungeon map of their own design. It is none of my concern so long as it fulfills a need in your campaign.

The second drawing, however, must be a displacer beast. This is because I have grown jaded and strange over the long years and so have you and it will entertain both of us mightily to see children's interpretations of the catlike and inimitable displacer beast erupt all over the internet come May 29.

Tell them color is preferable and may get them an extra 25 cents to spend in any way they please. Glitter, construction paper, play-doh or digital media are also acceptable.

7. Now we all know freelancers are chronic whiners without respect for authority. If the child tries to pass substandard work off on you, print out the following drawings and shake them in the child's face menacingly, saying "ONE OF THESE CHILDREN WAS TEN AND THE OTHER WAS ELEVEN!

CHRIS AUMAN DREW THIS IN A CAVE WHEN HE WAS 12 WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

...IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE MORE LIKE THEY ARE! PICK UP THAT SPARKLETUBE AND GET CRACKING, TOAD! YOUR DROPPED CHEERIOS ARE OF NO INTEREST TO ME, WE DO NOT DO EXCUSES HERE!"

8. Upload such work as is produced onto the internet on May 29th. Inform me of the url by the usual channels or via rapid Clown-O-Gram. No hobo clowns.

9. If, in the interim, you have seen fit to employ the child further on campaign work since the initial work order, please upload any and all projects fulfilled to date on the 29th.

10. Older children or those possessed of extraordinary skill may be employed at a higher rate if you see fit--though not too much higher. You must not create the hope in their minds that they, as freelance creatives, can expect to work under any but the most animalistic conditions. Conversely, if the child is exceptionally poor or uneducated, you may be able to get them to work for only a nickel.

11. You have my permission to republish this message on your own blog. In fact, if you intend to participate or would like others to do so, I encourage it.

If you're extremely clever, you might be able to get them to draw you a whole planet and then wrap it around a globe digitally like so.

Bass Wheelie Squee, Ultra-Nerdcore, & REAL!

Wow, that whole "late update" thing got away from me. I have great ideas and plenty of free time for next week's post, but let me try and make up for this week a bit.

On Twitter, my personality shines through to other personalities. One of my Fave. front-men (lawl, Nerdcore, FRONT-men) Wheelie Cyberman, previously of Optimus Rhyme, now of SuperCommuter tweeted . . .

Upright bass solos are boring.
— Wheelie Cyberman (@WheelieCyberman) April 23, 2012

And I though to myself, now that can't be right . . . I love stand up bass . . . So I hit the webs and found this little gem after some poking about . . .

And tweeted out at him "Skip to 1:50 and then 2:30. I didn't think it was that boring . . ."
And then, one  of my fanboy moments occurred where an idol of mine interacted with me on the internet.

@h47 I give it bonus points for the zebra print.
— Wheelie Cyberman (@WheelieCyberman) April 24, 2012

I was over the moon.

So that was fun, also, in other Nerdcore News, if you haven't heard, Ultrasklytron dropped a new HUGE album. Go snag that. some excellent gems in many areas of musicality. Try out here . . .

AND . . . speaking of nerdy goodness . . .

IM HOSTING PANELS AT FANIME!!!!!!!! WOOO!!!
ARMOR-GEDDON In association with THE TWILIGHT KNIGHTS (who have been running The Dojo at Fanime for years ) Present:

Is It Real?

No restrictions on video recording or photography.

Suitable for All Ages.

A panel on blade knowledge basics. Twilight Knights & Armor-Geddon-ites discuss tips & guidelines for the modern collector & user regarding classic weaponry. Functional v. practical, display v. live steel, martial arts schools, jokes, with a Q & A to follow.


Yup on

Saturday, 12Noon-1pm in the Dojo (The Almaden Ballroom in the Hilton Hotel)

&

Sunday, 5pm-6pm in the Dojo.

yours truly will be hanging with the Knights and teachin' about blades. COME AND SEE IT!!

Zelda Lightsabres Potter Caine

First and foremost, early last week I saw this and it made me cry. I think my jaded has grown back since then, but its really cool. It's like 10 minutes, watch it, it restores nerd soul points. At least it did for everyone I know, don't be a soulless dick, this isn't PvP combat.


   

"Okay H47 but why is your post 3 days late!?" Well, I'm working with some potential interns for the light sabre fight I'm Directing later this summer. Stay tuned for details. I was at the high school I teach Stage Combat at annually, interviewing and talking with the kids to see who was interested, had the schedule, who's folks said it was okay, waiting for their teacher (my friend) to deal with the 300 other things he has to daily till he got around to pointing me to the specific kids.

The OTHER reason is because I have started playing Ocarina of Time again and am exhibiting SERIOUS force of will just sitting down to write this filler+ amount of a post. BUT!, to not leave you hanging, it has inspired me to attempt to run a Pathfinder game(s) set in Ocarina/Majora Hyrule and build playable races and all that good sh-t. Stay tuned, I will most assuredly post anything I build, or I will  . . . LINK . . . through, oh ho, I know, if I find anything already made out on the intarwebs.

GAH I WANT THESE SO HARD!!! AHAHAHAHhahah!!!

And the OTHER OTHER reason it's taken me so long, is because I have really nerdy friends who keep tweeting about their Pottermore experience. As well as T1nk was poking around on it too. So I'm hearing about my male AND female friends "wands" and what house they got sorted into, so my brain goes "I like Facebook quizzes even though I hate allowing the applications access to my account, this could be cool and quick." NO! I spend like, 2-3 hours on it because I'm reading everything EXCEPT the bit about how your supposed to find your shopping list, I finally find that and then it's all "choose wisely as you can not change what is chosen for you based on your answers which feed into our previously determined algorithms." So I sit there and belabor over some silly not-psych profile test that will probably never effect anything in my life ever, but it was fun. Just look at my tweets from that evening . . .

"CHESTNUT WITH DRAGON CORE, TWELVE INCHES, HARD! 7g" I'm all on that. p.s. Vineblood, crimsonblood, silverpurple, chose Patronusquest2090
— tony elfson (@h47) April 19, 2012

There are many "winners" for your potential user name. The idea is there but the execution is a little left wanting.

"I like it. textured grip, small hilt, bowie clip." "oh. you." "Yes I just described my wand using knife terminology, what!?"
— tony elfson (@h47) April 19, 2012

As a note, the pic for the wand is the same across the board, I'm a little dissapointed, I don't think that would be that hard. Especially considering you geta few options for your avatar, even IF only owls, cats and toads are "approved." WTB other obscure PETS/FAMILIARS PLZ!

WTFBLARGH BLARHG Hufflepuff!?!?!?!? REALLY? Is it cause I felt bad for the thing in the box instead of going for the sexy silver one?
— tony elfson (@h47) April 19, 2012

And then this happened. And my fiancee was like "what? Youve never considered what house youd be in?" And I was like, absolutely, I'm an RPer and actor, this shit haunts me, but I was always like . . . I could be in Gryff cause I' think I'm such a strong personality, but then I could also go slytherin for the same reasons plus being a jerk sometimes, or back to Gryff for same reasons. Ravenclaw cause I pride myself on my smarts and think I'm better than everyone else, but then of course I could go Badger cause, well, I'm just weird enough. Well, fine. Funny enough, T1nk thought she would claim to be a Ravenclaw, but end up in Puff, but GOT SLYTHERIN! I think they're doing something clever on this part, and I'm okay with that. As a matter of fact, I tried creating a couple more accounts just to shiggle my way through and see what I got. Well, I only managed to do it once because I actually made an account that claimed I was 11 (if my new character is attending Hogwarts he would be 11 right? But I guess they have a different protocol for emails to younger players, which is fine.) but the other one I did . . . gave me a cool wand, not as awesome as my first one, but then . . . different sorting hat questions, and HUFFLEPUFF AGAIN! I think someone is watching my IP and trolling me. Either way. Entertained. And I think the site is cool as there are quite a few gems from Rowlings "not for the books" content and I think this is a great way to share it if you read through the books again. I'm not sure if I will, but, with this setup, I might.

Gary Oldman is a BEAST, Sirius Black is a PIMP. SO pissed when he died. Word up to the black sheep of the Black Fam.

Relevance!?

Quite frankly, I don't care, and I'm sure none of you do.
So, you ever have one of those really nice long vacations/weekends off, and don't seem to be able to get anything done? Yeah, I'm there. So, Imma talk about WoW.

Ribeye loves all the animals . . . ALL of them. Especially ones that have the proper animation for attacking flying mobs.

There are STILL very WIERD things going on in the hills north of Thunder Bluff on the way to Stonetalon. I can't find the screenshots right now, but if anyone cares, let me know, I'll find it. Last I checked, the rabbits were carrying axes in their mouths, most of them the size of gnomes, and they were one-shotting prairie dogs. Oh, and before that, the prarie dogs had on kaiser hats and were wielding rifles. And now that I look at the pic from that old link . . WHEN WE GONNA GET DUAL WIELD GUNS BLIZZ!?!?!?! Or, back int he day, Necrus & I would wax philosophical on how one would design a pole-arm/rifle and just have it fill up all three weapon slots, cool, right? Ah well.

It appears Mists will be one "small" expansion with numerous patches that are the "sequels/continuing storyline that the player will be taken through as war ravages Azzeroth once more, the War between it's peoples once more, not a "greater" enemy like in the past. I'm down, sounds immersive, and I'm fairly sure the rumor that there will be a Battle For Ogrimmar will result in Hellscreams dethroning, I am DOWN!
I'm always tempted to join a new beta, but I think I'll sit this one out as well.

Grue equips Mini Thor! It is super effective! Two ranged attacks FTW!

I've started heavy archeology, Pvping again and Moose has dragged me into some of the LFraids for some QUICK raids. Fun times, actually, gotta get that welfare gear! I am very scared at how well I am doing in PVP and raids. My dps is decent to good and as I continue to reforge/gem/chant my gear into fine tuning my dps can only improve.

As for PvP, I hadnt really gone into a BG since a few months after Cata hit. I think, two patches agoe? But, the bug up and bit me and I found myself in some BG's. AND I WAS OWNING EVERYTHING. I really cant explain it, and I'm not entirely bragging, I'm mostly sharing my amazement.

Manslayer goes for a swim . . . through the air . . . through Ogrimmar. Like ya do!

And of course, gettin mah raid  on has been good, flexing that teamwork muscle. Im actually looking to level a bunch of ttons all at the same time with Tink & other RL friends. Just ALL KINDS of WoW, all the time. Lets see if I have any fun WoW links . . . . I like this one and am working through the backlogs of the blog.

Hope that holds some of you over for now, more next week, maybe even a memorable if I get some time.

And What Did We Learn?

The Holiday season brought me many gift cards. I know some people find them tacky or lacking thought but I honestly love them no matter who gives them to me. Much like cash, I KNOW I have crazy weird tastes compared to the rest of the people who usually get me gifts, this way I can go find those things from those odd little nooks of the universe (my store) where these items can be found. Plus, if the items are a little MORE than what my gifters were looking to spend, BOO YA! discount for me and I think of them in conjunction with the item. Woohoo tangents!

Anyway, gift cards for places that peddle print! I bought me some Star Wars Karen Traviss "Oya Mando'a!" and some Pathfinder Tales F-yeah free feats! But I ALSO saw an intriguing title:
"Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Dungeons & Dragons: One Woman's Quest to Turn Self-Help Into Elf-Help"
Then when I picked up the book to investigate further I saw the Author was in fact one female name and that Wizards published it. Two out of three aint bad. Honestly though, I only have as much beef with Wiz as I do with Disney. I could list many things that make them evil Uber-Corp's but really, I love their products and continue to pray for those on the inside who help create those wonders we all enjoy (and, I hear there's some noteworthy input for 5E).
So I said "why not, its 'free' " and began pouring through it.

As I mentioned in my last review of a Mazzanoble title, there are quite a few anecdotes and much to learn about the "normalcy" of the author and her mother, the books antagonist?, apparently her mom even has a fan page.
This book is much more of a non-fiction, "read it cause you like to keep reading anything" sort of book. I'll be honest and say I did not enjoy it all that much, BUT, as I mentioned in the last review, I don't think I was the audience it's intended for and think my fiancee will really enjoy it. This is not to say that it was not an excellent book. It has great pacing, constant story telling of how the game relates to her life and fun little sidebars all throughout that help others find a little D&D in your own RL. So, worth a read if you come across it or have already finished a bunch of other books or are waiting for another installment of something to come out. I especially recommend it if you enjoy watching hoarders, buying "dummies guide" books or are maybe newer to nerdlife, I think you might enjoy this read. I know I'll be lending/ recommending it to many of my friends.

3rd 4 t3h NRRD: April '12

If Nerdcore ever makes it into "mainstream," as in, gets national radio play, I believe artists like Richie Branson will be the ones to break the barrier.

Get yo Game Chain! Srsly, go get one

(Yes, I know Branson himself has gotten airtime in his home state, as well as well known nerdy rapper MC Lars gets some play time in the Cali bay area on Live 105, but I know I never heard a Branson track in my neck of the woods, and I doubt The Boss Fights ever SUDDENLY bumped "Hot Topic is not Punk Rock" because it came on 91X)

This dude is a pro in every sense of the word. Serious DIY. Not only is he a head of a production company that has connected to major record labels, he has performed every job involved in producing music. Just look at his bio, dude's diverse.
This might be yet another review on an artist who does not self identify as NerdCore but definitively has Nerdy Hip Hop but until the artist says "no, I'm not Nerdcore and don't call me that" which some have done, I think they might be okay with that.
Back to the music, please enjoy this delicious track inspired by a VERY popular franchise . . .

As one should expect from someone who has done so much in the last few years, his sound is clean, upbeat, and steady. I understand everything being spit, can bob my head to the beat, recognize the samples he's acquired from properties I'm familiar with and they meld well into the total composition. If the dude doesn't exactly rep Nerdcore then he's def a big ol' geek, just check his site.
I am starting to find that when a really good artist comes into my music library, the less I have to say about him, the more I just enjoy them. This is definitely the case here. Go snag his tunes, pay for them if you can, keep the music and the artists alive, and so you can see what kind of cross over he does, here is something a little more "normal"