Tuesday, January 23, 2018

D and December 2017: Week 3 - Day 4(Belated)

day 4 - Sword Coast
trade routes/bandits
"Gentleman of Fortune? No. More of a 'Fortunate Gentleman.' "

An excerpt from 'The Journal of Morrick Midland Meadmonger as Life Lessons to His Children Should He Not Be There to Give Them':

" Life is nothing but making deals.
For instance, that stormy season I was dragging blast powder to the Baron up north, and then turning around and dragging Singleaf to the Duke down south.
Gods blessed me and blessed those boys it was not on my way up north, as who knows what sort of welcome I would have given them, or what sort of trouble they would have gotten into, had I had a baker's dozen barrels of top grade explosive dust that trip.
No, this time I was headed south, and had dried Singleaf piled higher than a half orc, barely held down by my tarp to keep from crushing the goods, but so they wouldn't fly away in a stiff wind either. (See previous entries on "chasing Singleaf in your small-clothes, a lesson in weather & proper packaging of goods.")
I was traveling the Queen's Road as that was the only road, the shortest route, and it was the stormy season as mentioned above, and I didn't need Stubbsworth to get mired in a slurry. (Stubbsworth is my mule. I hope you get to meet him, as he adores children, but who can guess when you will arrive and how long he has, such is the way of the world.)
There had not been one breath of thieves on the road for years, but with the Baron gearing up for war, many of the usual patrols were not being posted. So I wasn't aware I was being robbed until the man in the middle of the road pointed his crossbow at me and said "Your complacency or grievancey, either way we get your GP. What'll it be?"
I was taken aback. Not just because the rhyme was ridiculous "G.P.?" As in Gold Pieces, who says such a thing? But because this lad couldn't even grow a beard, let alone be a brigand. I must have been agape at this half-grown highwayman, as he then said "Alright boys, drag him down." And a small crew of others, armed with kitchen knives & grain sickles, came warily out of the wood.
"wait, wait, wait. Now just wait a second" I bellowed. If you know me at all, I should hope you know I can be heard over a crowded tavern, and I hope you never cause me to shout at you in such a manner. And that stopped em all in their tracks.
" What is all this? A hold-up? Really? On the -Queens- Road!?" I saw a few falter at the mention of Her Highness. Yellow bellied blowhards. But there was still a whole gang of em.
"Yes. And hand over all you've got or we will take it by force" the leader doubled down.
"Oh, Really?" I replied. "Now think about this, lads. You rob me, let me live, I make it back to town & tell the Duke. Half a company is back down this way to weed you out. Or, you kill me, my shipment doesnt show up, and the same thing happens. Sound good?"
"You shut your trap, old man!" Real clever one, the leader was. "Pull him down!"
I looked the closest one in the eye. Still remember him. Chubby little git, looked hungrier than a street-dog 2 days after a festival with dumb blue irises, holding a meat cleaver way too far back on the handle like it would bite him. Quietly and calmly, I said to him, but still loud enough everyone around could hear, " how would you like proper weapons?"
"buh, I uh. Buh, whuh, huh?" Kid was also a charmer. Must have been related to the leader.
I whipped around, side-glancing at the leader who let the tip of the crossbow dip, and addressed another, " Or steady pay?"
They all had stopped by now.
I looked the leader square in the eye.
"And 3 meals a day?"
From behind me I heard "how? There's no jobs and the Duke doesnt care about the poor!"
A few "yeah" 's followed and the leader's bolt was drifting back up towards my face.
"That may be true, currently. But you lads have made it apparent there IS a job market, and are already working for the Duke & Baron, for FREE."
That really had them confused. Good. I had em then. "Obviously, these roads are unsafe, unpatrolled by our brave soldiers who go to fight the tyrant to the north. But you lads, with the assistance of a merchant with some standing in the Duke AND Baron's court," I pointed to myself and winked in the silliest manner I could "could bend an ear or two, to perhaps set up a toll for all who travel this road, to ensure safe, unmolested travel. And, now, who could do such a thing? Travel up & down this stretch of trail from one keep to another, making sure nothing goes awry? Hrrmmm?"
"Sure. Until the war ends, and the regulars come back to do the job, then what?" The leader wasnt as dumb as he looked.
"Hahaha," I stalled for a moment. "No. If 'lowly' peasants," I gestured to myself as well, all about camaraderie "are doing the work already, it would be beneath a noble soldier of the Queen's Army. Also, after a war, might not be as many soldiers left to do the job . . ." I trailed of at a fairly high pitch.
I could see them all thinking now. Looked like it hurt for some of them.
"Great, then." I barked, startling a few who looked like they didn't know whether to find an outhouse or a healer. "Come on. Least I can do is feed & bathe you lot before meeting the Duke's Chancellor to keep you from getting thrown back onto the road before your employed to patrol it."
I tutted at Stubbsworth who had remained stoic through all this. Stubbsworth snorted & began to toddle forwards. This action startled the leader out of whatever reverie he was in and stammered "buh, I uh, uh . . ." Told you, brother of that husky one to my right, no doubt.
And THAT was how the Singleaf Highway Patrol was founded, and why myself, nor any of my direct descendants must pay tolls along that route.
You're welcome. "

No comments:

Post a Comment