Wednesday, December 30, 2009

How to Make Twilight Better

I have said on numerous occasions that the Twilight universe would be so much better if you took out Bella and Edward. I'll even settle for just Bella. Keep her dad, her mom even (she doesn't do much) and the high school "friends" but just drop the lead chick.

Honestly, I think even Edward would be a totally cool, mind-readin, twinkly-ass heart throb if he wasn't hung up on emo-tween-wench. (Don't get me wrong, I like emo's, they're cool, but Bella is one emotional chick.)

What happens to the story without Bella then? Don't worry, I thought about that. Edward, suddenly falls for Jacob. (stay with me, or not, I warned you long ago) Now THAT is some hot supernatural on supernatural action. Not only do you pull in those who like the pasty, affluent type, those who like the tan, outdoorsy cultural type, you get those who are hot for supernaturals and even the furry element. Aint seen Romeo and Juliet till you've seen this story, no? And Underworld KIND OF did this, but my version is better because both of them know what they are, what the consequences are, but their man/wolf/bloodsucker/gay/nibble/suck/love can not be stopped.

This reminds me of something that came up while I was loitering in the Green Room at the institution of learning I attend. There was a stray cosmo magazine cluttering up our discarded fliers, posters. and Peanuts (a restaurant) food cartons. So, one of my male associates bravely dared to crack it open. Within we found horrible and wondrous things. Among them included a "erotic story for true ladies." (I'm not making this shit up.) It involved some chick who worked in an office with problems with a male co-worker and a guy doing an interview of her at a "dinner meeting." The only reason I recall all of this is because we actually read a fair amount of the story, AFTER implementing some simple rules. Replace all men names with female names, and all "he"/"him"/"his" with female pronouns. The resulting story was much more . . . stimulating. And akward after much giggling.


Edna & Jackie? Yeah? Forbidden lovers? THATS some romeo and juliet action, more like ROMIE and Juliet, awe yeah.

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