Bribe-rrito

mmmm, 10 hour old Chipotle for breakfast is the best. Thanks D. Weibe for the Bribe-rrito.

Bribe-rrito: Noun - (see also: GM Bribe) A delicious mixture of tortilla and other burrito stuffs, delivered to a game master in order to keep one's character; alive, rolling in xp/hp/gp &/or "phat lewtz"
Ex: "My character took some nasty ability damage, but I brought a bribe-rrito to game and now I have an even BETTER ability mod."

International Anklebiter Illustrator Day

(Post via: Playing D&D With Porn Stars by Zak Sabbath

I Totally need to find a kid to help me with this. Maybe a High Schooler [and I am constantly made aware that blogger doesn't like me using the word "schooler" in an attempt to get me to learn that I should type "high school student" to which I say "Fuck you blogger! These are my word-letter-slabberings, I will have my way with them as I see fit!"] I know. Seeing as the small children I normally interact with are heathens, but I do have hopes for them as The Firstborn is constantly harassing me during my most intimate of moments [replaying Ocarina of Time on the N64 in my boxers for the nth time] and demanding in her stilted, confidence-lacking stutters that she be able to borrow my copies of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" and "The Nightmare Before Christmas." Perhaps there is potential there. Though I am dubious of The Clever one's motives in everything she does as she seems to know too much though she be only 4.)

As is the case with many working artists, people often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people.

I do indeed: get a job.

Our economy is deficient in many fundamental ways and should current trends continue you will be shipped overseas in a melon box to work for a Chinese person long before you reach college age.

Another thing people often ask me is: Can you draw this for me? To which I generally answer: No.

Now it doesn't take an Ivy degree to see we have a classic chocolate-and-peanut-butter situation here.

To wit: I declare and ordain May 29th as International Anklebiter Illustrator Day throughout RPGlandia.

Here is what you must do:

1. Locate a child.

2. Locate two one-dollar bills or the local equivalent.

3. Explain patiently to the child that you--a dungeon master or otherwise appointed administrator of a substantial swath of fictional space--are desirous of illustrations.

4. Explain to the child that you are contracting him or her to provide such imagery at a page rate of 1 dollar per page. (Which believe you me is a sum infinitely greater than many web and print publications currently offer for such services.)

5. Explain to the child that the deadline is May 28th, thus allowing you, the client, at least one day to scan and upload the drawing to the internet.

Note that this may require you explaining to the child the definition of the word "deadline" as well adumbrating the process by which days accumulate into months and that these accumulated months are then packaged and named for ease of public consumption. I trust that you are up to the task and that they are probably too young for any of this information to strike them as being as traumatic as it actually is.

6. After acquiring their informed consent, give them the specific assignments:

The first drawing can be anything you, the GM, want--you can take a crappy town you drew and ask the child to redraw it better, you can describe a treasure the child needs to create and detail, you can have the child make a dungeon map of their own design. It is none of my concern so long as it fulfills a need in your campaign.

The second drawing, however, must be a displacer beast. This is because I have grown jaded and strange over the long years and so have you and it will entertain both of us mightily to see children's interpretations of the catlike and inimitable displacer beast erupt all over the internet come May 29.

Tell them color is preferable and may get them an extra 25 cents to spend in any way they please. Glitter, construction paper, play-doh or digital media are also acceptable.

7. Now we all know freelancers are chronic whiners without respect for authority. If the child tries to pass substandard work off on you, print out the following drawings and shake them in the child's face menacingly, saying "ONE OF THESE CHILDREN WAS TEN AND THE OTHER WAS ELEVEN!

CHRIS AUMAN DREW THIS IN A CAVE WHEN HE WAS 12 WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

...IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE MORE LIKE THEY ARE! PICK UP THAT SPARKLETUBE AND GET CRACKING, TOAD! YOUR DROPPED CHEERIOS ARE OF NO INTEREST TO ME, WE DO NOT DO EXCUSES HERE!"

8. Upload such work as is produced onto the internet on May 29th. Inform me of the url by the usual channels or via rapid Clown-O-Gram. No hobo clowns.

9. If, in the interim, you have seen fit to employ the child further on campaign work since the initial work order, please upload any and all projects fulfilled to date on the 29th.

10. Older children or those possessed of extraordinary skill may be employed at a higher rate if you see fit--though not too much higher. You must not create the hope in their minds that they, as freelance creatives, can expect to work under any but the most animalistic conditions. Conversely, if the child is exceptionally poor or uneducated, you may be able to get them to work for only a nickel.

11. You have my permission to republish this message on your own blog. In fact, if you intend to participate or would like others to do so, I encourage it.

If you're extremely clever, you might be able to get them to draw you a whole planet and then wrap it around a globe digitally like so.

And What Did We Learn?

The Holiday season brought me many gift cards. I know some people find them tacky or lacking thought but I honestly love them no matter who gives them to me. Much like cash, I KNOW I have crazy weird tastes compared to the rest of the people who usually get me gifts, this way I can go find those things from those odd little nooks of the universe (my store) where these items can be found. Plus, if the items are a little MORE than what my gifters were looking to spend, BOO YA! discount for me and I think of them in conjunction with the item. Woohoo tangents!

Anyway, gift cards for places that peddle print! I bought me some Star Wars Karen Traviss "Oya Mando'a!" and some Pathfinder Tales F-yeah free feats! But I ALSO saw an intriguing title:
"Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Dungeons & Dragons: One Woman's Quest to Turn Self-Help Into Elf-Help"
Then when I picked up the book to investigate further I saw the Author was in fact one female name and that Wizards published it. Two out of three aint bad. Honestly though, I only have as much beef with Wiz as I do with Disney. I could list many things that make them evil Uber-Corp's but really, I love their products and continue to pray for those on the inside who help create those wonders we all enjoy (and, I hear there's some noteworthy input for 5E).
So I said "why not, its 'free' " and began pouring through it.

As I mentioned in my last review of a Mazzanoble title, there are quite a few anecdotes and much to learn about the "normalcy" of the author and her mother, the books antagonist?, apparently her mom even has a fan page.
This book is much more of a non-fiction, "read it cause you like to keep reading anything" sort of book. I'll be honest and say I did not enjoy it all that much, BUT, as I mentioned in the last review, I don't think I was the audience it's intended for and think my fiancee will really enjoy it. This is not to say that it was not an excellent book. It has great pacing, constant story telling of how the game relates to her life and fun little sidebars all throughout that help others find a little D&D in your own RL. So, worth a read if you come across it or have already finished a bunch of other books or are waiting for another installment of something to come out. I especially recommend it if you enjoy watching hoarders, buying "dummies guide" books or are maybe newer to nerdlife, I think you might enjoy this read. I know I'll be lending/ recommending it to many of my friends.

GM Questionnaire

I think some of you may already be familiar with D&D With Porn Stars, either because you now read it, saw "I Hit it With My Axe," or I've mentioned it before. Mr. Sabbath has once more inadvertently assisted me in my endeavors to throw my mind thinkings into the void that is the interwebs with this cool RPG questionnaire. Let us jump right in . . . 

Pathfinder Part 2: the Beginner Box! @ S.G.I.S.Con 6

GM Questionnaire

Repost and answer. Or, if you don't have a blog, answer in the comments. Or be a big rebel and do neither.

1. If you had to pick a single invention in a game you were most proud of what would it be?
I can't think of any one thing I am super proud of. Mostly little things like magical items for my own characters or for the players, well laid out zones (cities/dungeons/castles). I guess it's the little things.

2. When was the last time you GMed?

Sunday night the 15th.

3. When was the last time you played?

Saturday night the 14th kinda. Sunday the 8th a full game.

4. Give us a one-sentence pitch for an adventure you haven't run but would like to.

The blood bags believe its over before 2013, you've begun to suspect your elders don't disagree, ready to travel south of the border to find the truth?

5. What do you do while you wait for players to do things?

Look up creature < double check creature < come up with encounter < double check encounter < Listen to the players complain/gripe/plot/give me ideas for what terrible things could be around that corner/in that hole/the npc could do to them.

6. What, if anything, do you eat while you play?

chips, candy, pizza, burgers, burrito's, pesto on non bread, anything & everything.

7. Do you find GMing physically exhausting? 

I didn't used to, but now that I put much more work into pre-planning, somehow, yes. But of course, as soon as everyone leaves, I am wired and cant go to bed till an hour or more later.

8. What was the last interesting (to you, anyway) thing you remember a PC you were running doing?

As another player's Eidelon(perma-summoned familiar/combat pet) I was a dub-step sparkle bear who spoke all the same languages the summoner did. When asked what my deal was we would say "waiting for the drop."

More seriously, my Shadow-spec Sorcerer developed a spell based off Peter Pan losing his shadow. "peter's Foley" separates the shadow from the target and they take Perma-Con damage until the shadow is re-attached, can only be done with a needle & thread or soap. Shadow attempts to get to the Shadow plan by any means.

9. Do your players take your serious setting and make it unserious? Vice versa? Neither?

Both, we are often very self aware of the ridiculousness of the worlds and it's usually a sign of accomplishment, as in a dedication to the story, when we are not cracking jokes or keeping it light.

10. What do you do with goblins?

play, slay, lay, punch, befriend, get healed by them. It all depends on the situation, game, diplomacy.

11. What was the last non-RPG thing you saw that you converted into game material (background, setting, trap, etc.)?

Dubstep as a cultural starting point? Peter Pan for sinister shadow spells? The 2012 apocalypse as an entire campaign arc? Everything is fair game. 

12. What's the funniest table moment you can remember right now?

My cousin Steve and his friend Mike were hanging out and Mike was watching some documentary on Discovery about Wolves. Steve was Dming a game later that night, Mike was one of the players that evening, he was a Dwarven Warrior with a hatred of Trolls. The party was high level and rolling through every combat Steve through at them, so He threw an army of trolls at them which surrounded the party. The lead troll stepped up and said, "I am Krukta, chief. What you do here?" Steve then asked, "what do you do?" Mike, "I fuck him." Steve, "what?!?" Mike, "well, the manual says trolls have similar tribal structure as wolf packs, and we were watching Discovery and THEY said, if you can fuck the leader and get away with it, you become the new leader . . . so, I fuck the leader." "Fine," says Steve, "roll to grapple." Mike crits his grapple check, then "controls the pin" and Steve is so amused at this point says, "5% chance you create a new race of 'drolls' " then rolls a 97. So the rest of trolls are very confused about this dwarf having his way with their chieftain and all they can muster is "do we help? maybe it Krukta new friend? He like?" But, its not all droll secret service and an army of trolls at your command. Krukta then followed the party as a cohort/nag board for Mike's dwarf for a few months straight.

13. What was the last game book you looked at--aside from things you referenced in a game--why were you looking at it?

Pathfinder Inner Sea World Guide & Pathfinder Tales Novels. I am a sucker for getting immersed in settings and lore. 

14. Who's your idea of the perfect RPG illustrator?

I want all styles as different flavors add different flair and tones to settings/sessions/worlds. It would be like saying I have a favorite type of music, it really is variable.

15. Does your game ever make your players genuinely afraid?

I don't think I've ever made my players spooked scared(in a horror sense) and I'm not sure I've ever made them fear for their characters lives, but I do know that they know, I will not hesitate to throw something on them that will drop their characters.

16. What was the best time you ever had running an adventure you didn't write? (If ever)

I have a good time running most modules. I have not done it much, but have enjoyed the handful I've actually thrown at my players. I've run them multiple times for different groups as well. 

17. What would be the ideal physical set up to run a game in?

That's a tough one because I'm theatre person and would LOVE to have a location for each game that fit the setting, with lighting and sound effects, anything and everything to immerse the players. That said, all I really need is a group, wherever, whenever, lets roll.

18. If you had to think of the two most disparate games or game products that you like what would they be?

I would say I'm kind of bland on this question but, White Wolf: World of Darkness and Paizo's Pathfinder

19. If you had to think of the most disparate influences overall on your game, what would they be?
Shameless internet Meme references, deep literary inspirations, and even cultural influences from arabia to zanzabar, the long way around.

20. As a GM, what kind of player do you want at your table?

One's that show up and will fight for the spotlight for an equal amount of time proportionate to how many participants there are. 4 players, one GM? A fifth of the time, whether it be deep RP, skill check silliness, or just rolling through creeps in a combat.

21. What's a real life experience you've translated into game terms?

All sorts of goofy little things. One of the biggest though is an additional rank of non-magical high quality items to simulate truly exceptional craftsmen. Beyond Masterwork are, in ascending order, Masrtercraft & Masterpeice. Somewhat to denote exceptional forges or even artists of crafts, such as the mythical western smiths or the revered blade artists of the east.

22. Is there an RPG product that you wish existed but doesn't?

Not really, there are so many products out that I still haven't dug my teeth into and want to, that adding more would only frustrate me.

23. Is there anyone you know who you talk about RPGs with who doesn't play? How do those conversations go?
Not on a regular basis as my S.O. plays and most of the people I talk to about it DO play. But even some of them who don't are geeks in other ways (gamers, anime kids, fantasy enthusiasts) so they usually understand everything I'm talking about. I'm not sure if this is entirely a blessing as I would like some fresh perspective sometimes, but then again, when I talk to my father-in-law about it, it becomes stilted and I have to use obtuse examples using mainstream games such as Monopoly and  blockbuster movies like LOTR, to explain what I'm going on about.

Watch Out!

Quick! You got five dollars? You were gonna go get a double-double at InNOut weren't you? Dude, that'll take like, ten minutes, plus gas, you'd have to put on pants. Look, go shuffle into your food storage area, pull out some chips/munchies, throw some PB/hummus on some toast and come back. OH! and grab a soda.

I Think I'd look at you the same way if I saw you in your skivvies

You back? good.
So, I've covered a few Web-Series in the past, and even gotten some feedback about them from the creators themselves. So, as I continually try to do with Nerdcore, here I present a bit of an "update through my eyes" of a few properties for some of you, my readers, who are kind of lazy or just joining us.

Journey Quest, which has captured the heart and mind of one of my party members, seems to be fully funded for season 2. You can keep appraised of events up on there blog, and there are some REALLY cool resources that are cooked up specifically for Pathfinder, which I have a strong hunch we'll be using. According to the kickstarter they will start filming next year, OR, if they receive more donations, they will produce more.

A glistening group, GOLD, continues along. Though I have not seen any substantial postings on the site since August, the mood is that of steady activity. Donations are made through paypal, and I can't wait for season two to see how the league play is realised.

Standard Action continues with standards in action as they continue to promote and fund raise.Just past their half way goal, there is only 2 months left until the indie go go site is finished. And if you want bang for no-bucks, these guys deliver. There have been no shortage of free plugs

& samples from this crew in order to get people to donate. Just imagine what they will do if they HAVE the funds. You should have seen what they did in season one, and although it started a bit out of order for myself, the amount of passion and superb production value kept me hooked. If that isn't incentive enough, the donation gifts are very entertaining and if you're into the series I'm sure you'll find use for the prizes.

So, since I'm going to be spending all MY money on stage combat training (two workshops in 2 months) AND hoping my car/computer/family members don't die, so that I can replace up to two of the previous, PLEASE!! for me, use three of those dollars to donate to each of these series, and then donate the other two as you see fit. Or . . I guess go grab a $1 menu item at a cheaper fast food joint. mmmm, I want Jack Taco's now . . . Later guys, Keep supporting small entertainment, its not the size that counts, it's how you use it!

Terrikahnia: Part 1

That is the name of the world I am currently running two concurrent Pathfinder games in. The main continent/human kingdom is called Greethelude, and has a late medieval/EARLY Renaissance (read: less than 12 NPC's over level 15 core classes). The adventures sort of top out at level 10 or so, but could be easily scaled up or down. For higher powered games I would lead the groups to different areas that I have not fully developed.

Its origins are actually from a failed forum RPG some acquaintances I met in high school attempted to start, called "Hellsent." Then later, as I fleshed out the world and recycled the original setting & plot I now borrow HEAVILY from one of my current WoW Guilds, "Lords of Ancient Sin" on Cenarius. Characters and characteristics of players have been translated to the universe for NPC's, and even some of the back story.

In Pathfinder the Cavalier is usually linked to an order, and one of my players chose the "Dragon" order in the book. For flavor, I reworked it for my universe and dubbed it "The Order of Schorl's Heart."

"Upon entering the Order you are granted the "Heart of Schorl" medallion.

Schorl was a female half elf Paladin who was the love of King Shakoo. Though they we're torn apart by scandal, Schorl continued to serve the kingdom and maintained her status as a beacon of light, protection and forgiveness to all.

The only order to openly recruit all genders, Men in the order are called "Consorts of Schorl" while Women are called "Schorl's Gaurd"

Derogatory terms for the men are "Schorl's Eunichs" and for the females they are either "Schorl's Busoms" or . . . "Consorts of Schorl"

King Grimmean Rules from the Northern city named Loas Keep. Generally he is a just and even headed king, though not a weakling, he did study magic more than the blade in his younger days and is still known to dabble when the restraints of court allow. Soledad "the Bear" or "Grimms Right Hand" is a well known Paladin, of the "Order of the Hammer & Shield," is a fierce protector of the kingdom and is a sight to behold. There are some unsavory rumors that "The Bear" and his Highness are more than just good friends but any mention of it in court has been met with swift disdain and lack of any solid evidence quells the conversation quickly, the offending party often falls out of everyone's favor.

A weeks ride to the south of Loas Keep brings you to Shakoo Ridge, the old capitol, and the first city of the Kingdom. Established as the "frontier fortress" as King Shakoo pushed his dominion into the north, It has become a dingy trading city where every sort of riffraff an be found. Ruled by a Duke openly, there seems to be an unofficial ruling body in the city known as "The Knaves." The thieves guild, the mysterious leader is referred to only as "Sirrah," recently they have had serious issues controlling the underbelly of the city figuratively and literally as another force has pushed them to the safety of their hold outs, the main of which is often heard referred to as "Home." To some of the more skilled and high profile "knaves" in the city, a person who goes by "M", who has sometimes signed certain correspondence as "MNBF" is said to be a shadow manifested to serve the will of Sirrah. He is often a contact and offers various jobs, contracts and orders. Never has he said it is the order of Sirrah, nor has he admitted to being a Knave to others, most can assume there is a close connection.

Another point of interest is the Temple of Tyr. Run by dark skinned clerics, it is known for it's laid back nature and it's strange acceptance of bards at all hours in its main hall of worship. The head Centurion is named Tyrone, and the High Priest is Klashaft Ngaulikahn, who goes by "shaft" for short.

One of the seedier taverns in town is called the Sickly Dragon, it has a fairly descriptive sign out front, and is known for its ability to be back to . . not clean, but normal, after almost any altercation form the night/morning before.

The Nightman, or the Captain of the city constabulary is a middle aged man who has not gone soft in the middle named Emilius Nolan Bartholomew Finch, and ensures that even though the Knaves run rampant through the city that citizens stay as safe as possible in such a city. And even though you may get your purse cut, your neck shouldn't, unless of course, you ran afoul of someone, in which case, accidents do happen. The recent shift in power has not let him sleep easy during the day, he's said to sleep almost from when he goes home to when his shift starts the next eve.

I'm not entirely sure If or when I post a part 2, but, if any of my players wish to take a test on any of this content I will possibly grant them some sort of boon, like XP, a feat. skill points in knowledge(not sure), or cool items.

Gygax is Rolling in His Grave

And I think he just Crit!
A short but poignant post today. As you may or may not recall, back in March of '08 The Great Gary passed on to a different plane. Even three years later his memory lives on and his family and some of their closest friends and MANY nerds still wish to have a concrete memorial somewhere on our Earth.
Check out the site and the proposed memorial and even throw some cash that way if you wish.
http://www.gygaxmemorialfund.com/

AND, so there's a bit of my brain in this post as well as a nod to this great institution, I'll use an old favorite to hopefully give me a quick & fun post . . . .

(Yup, those are my new Precise Dice, I use them when I'm GMing so less chance my players will gripe. WTF are science/precise dice you might ask? Dig around HERE for an answer)

8! Describe your local area, gamerwise--is their a local game store? Where do your players come from? Do you want more players? Are they your friends? If you play with strangers, who are these people? Where do they come from?

Ooh, a tuffy. Actually, I take that back. I am lucky in some ways that I live in a major metropolitan area that is unequivocally nerdy, Silicon Valley.
There are MANY local game shops, at least half a dozen I am aware of all within a half hour or so of each other, whether they be comic or hobby shops at their core, they are definitely Gamer-friendly.
The players come from everywhere. Jr. High, High School, College, corporate sector, entertainment & service industry.
As for more players, no, I am good. I wish for more time to play with all my players but as most of you who know me personally have more than likely heard me gripe about my inability to tell players, old & new, "no" to joining my gaming group.
They are all my friends and I am responsible for the majority of my current players coming into RPG's. I have played with RPG vets and stranger noobs when I worked at a comic shop for a while, they came for a set, consistent game.
Currently my two groups are all friends and/or co-workers due to large nerdy social circles and a workplace with some VERY interesting perks.

Overall, to anyone who's looking for a game who might be new to the genre or just moved out here, don't sweat, there is a game for everyone out here, we be some of the nerdiest areas on earth, I'd wager. Just keep looking.

The Quest is The Journey

Journey Quest

So it appears, the more I watch these web series, the more they become attracted to me, and I keep doing these little reviews and posting them. I could get into this.

My aggressively nerdy homeboy, "RunningRyan" who is in my "store D&D" group, told me about this one after I showed him a couple other web series I reviewed and stressed the fact that the crew who made this was the same guys who made "The Gamers" & "The Gamers: Dorkness Rising" and also that he laughed so hard he cried. And, a bit to my chagrin as DM of the group, seeks to emulate the fighter from this series. We shall see if he is as fortunate with my traps, MUAWHAHAH!!!, I mean, I hope they have fun in my game.

But enough about my attempts to TPK, this series is superb. It has touches of all sorts of cliches yet several nice deviations from stereotypes that enrich the world, and of course, a few nods towards the fourth wall as some vaguely meta-aware characters quip here and there.


That thar is the Trailer, apparently all the episodes are up on hulu and youtube and stuff. Something about being open source and free so, I'm sure that's awesome.

A Queue From Porn

I have mentioned Playing D&D With Porn Stars before and was kinda waffling on what to post about, but thankfully the half-bald-bad-ass, Zak, gave me a couple great ideas.

First, a table that promotes RP while allowing some laziness in RP at the same time.
100 ways pc's know each other. I am SO using this in my next campaign, whether I'm GMing or Playing, word to my players, be aware.

Then! there was
"Roll on this table on what to Blog about."
So, I busted out the d10 AND . . . .

5--Write up a monster/trap combination. Neither the monster nor the trap must be original, but the combo must be interesting.

Alright then, my favorite trap, is more of a puzzle, it's an invisible wall of force that bisects a room, that STARTS two feet off the ground, and stops at six feet off the ground. The trick is that you have to describe it to the group correctly to lead them into thinking its a solid, floor to roof, wall while not blatantly lying to them. Perhaps, asking for high DC Int checks to notice they hit their shins but didn't stub their toes if they start to get stumped.

One of the creatures that most amuse me is the Cockatrice, since -I- first encountered it in the epic nine month campaign where this blog's namesake took place.

SO, the combo I have, is to have a room in a dungeon/castle/twisted-Femme-Mastermind-with-strange-tastes' Estate, where the characters enter it, and:

See - The room is divided in half by a low (3 ft high) fence made of sturdy wood & chicken wire. On the opposite side of the room, behind the fencing is a disgusting looking rooster which glares at you menacingly.

And of course, the above mentioned wall is right in front of the fence, between the chicken pen and the players.

Hilarity ensues.

I think in the future I might use this table again as it has multiple uses and I often feel I have a hard time finding segues into table Top RPG posts, Thank you Zak.

Finding a Path Through Third and a Half

Aright table top nerds, here's how I break it down.

I have played version 3.5 D&D for about six years now, fairly familiar with the system, I can make all sorts of builds and my group(s) and I can come up with mechanics for most issues we encounter.

Recently, some players in my group started using/buying Pathfinder. The words "Three point seven-five" were muttered constantly and once two members of the group purchased books and the D.M. downloaded the pdf's we actually played a couple campaigns. I have since broken down and purchased the Core and the APG and done massive builds due to a high power one shot we had two months to prep for.

Verdict:
If you can, or want to, buy Pathfinder. I wont lie, its shiny, new and sexy, BUT, it does address a lot of mechanic/customizable options and makes the super-customizable 3.5 into a massive awesomeness.
If money is tight or you have ALL the books for 3.5 already, no pressure to switch.
However, if one person buys the Pathfinder books, you are SCREWED if a second person buys the books.

3.5 is the original, and has "the real system" but Pathfinder was originally intended to be a massive supplement to 3.5, or at least that was the impression I got from reading some of opening notes, and it turned into this massive project.


Fun fact, Pathfinder taught me that Vash The Stampede

& Alucard
exist in D&D, eh?

You actually WANTED to play!?

I lovingly follow Playing D&D With Porn Stars (don't worry about that adult warning, it's very much like mine, "just in case") and I Hit It With My Axe. Recently Zak posed a certain question which raised my eyebrows and maybe something else. So I mulled it over while I searched for more similar photos, for research, of course.

One of my theories include, either these girls were hanging out with a certain type of guy. Proto-geeks, I guess I would call them. I was friends with a few and they could hide their nerd well when called for. they were on the varsity football team, they got horrible grades, one even went on a family hunting vacation every year and missed a month of school in order to kill things. BUT! they were my best friends through jr. high and early high school. they loved video games, had a good internet understanding and we played D&D, religiously. I've met a few guys who I think they turned into after high school/college and they're not particularly charming, nor do they outwardly display their nerdery as it would single them out as week and un-manly. I have also encountered the smokin hot chicks they attract and associate with, who . . big surprise, could, would and SHOULD be openly fantastically geeky. They are attracted to "jerks" which, oooh boy, we were, and then when confronted with a female either they hid the fact that there was a nerdy bone in their body in order to GET that nerdy bone in her body, OR, the female would snort, deride, or be passive about her request to play, being constantly socially aware of how she is perceived as a female in jr./sr. high and heaven forbid, the burping grunting drooling geek boys before her should think less or little of her for wanting to play a "boy's game." The question might sound something like "Really? Elves and dragons and trolls? Weird(potential code for wrong or stupid). How does that work?" Which translates to "that looks like fun, can I play?" But the boy's hear, "Your game is weird, tell me more so I can make fun of you and not have sex with you ever, and tell other girls to never have sex with you and tell the whole world (all two dozen people we know) how big of a retard you are (yes, retard, because we are all that mean we just learn to curb it, most of us.) The answer is would be something along the lines of "Here's the book," or maybe even "here, let me roll you a character" and then I know in our case her first and only session involves, "you see an elven female, wearing a cloak, boots, a sword and a smile," and the DM promptly gets slapped on the arm and she leaves.

That went off on a good tangent, not sure if it helped. The jist of it was, some of these guys were jerks and become bigger jerks and certain females are attracted to that much "confidence." Although I'm mostly speculating because I only knew two girls who had the slightest interest in participating, and I dated both of them. One moved 3 hours away and my friends didn't like her, and the other, we didn't hang out after we broke up and she had a different agenda in high school.

An actual scenario posited by Theatreg33k is that when they actually attempt to play they are left to their own devices much like guys do with guys, and if you ask for help more than three or four times OR you ask something more complex than "which die is that" the guys get frustrated and then she gets upset and then nobody had fun. I have done this myself, I feel like the biggest jerk ever, I say it's because I know how smart I believe she is and this is why I cant GM, group/raid lead in wow or watch her play video games. She also comments on how a girl changes the dynamic drastically. And it's not just girls, others have talked about, and I will probably too at some point, how one person can change a social situation by miles, doesn't matter. But specifically, dude's don't always know how to conduct themselves around a female friend or even one of their significant others and the "dick joke quota" drops drastically. Amazing insight, I know.

Let me get back to the original question, why would teenage boys say no to a teenage girl? More specifically, why they wouldn't let her play. It ties into the jerk complex above, where the girl just isn't invited. Or maybe adding a new player in the middle of a game who doesn't know the system at all can be a pain.

Oh teenage psycho-emotional issues, how you plague our lives. Remember guys, don't deny you want to have sex with your friend, just don't tell her every hour, and try to be friends with her first. If she wants to make out with you, it will probably happen. Unless she's an anime kid, then you have more problems, BUT fix them by watching anime.

Damn it Feels Good to be a Geeksta

I have been stressing about what or when I was going to have time to blog about considering the several projects and responsibilities I have been involved with recently.

BUT! One sick call in later and some thoroughly nerdy internet activity my mood is improved.

I just downloaded MC Frontalot's newest album "Zero Day" and am bangin my neck to it as I type.

I have been researching all manner of creature and spells in the D&D 3.5 pdf's I have, thanks to reading and excellent Blog by a gent named Zak titled "D&D With Porn Stars." Don't worry, it is deliciously focused on the tabletop element and I have not yet heard a single mention of "The Book of Erotic" although heaven help Zakk should his players get the idea and he go along.

Also, I tried to act upon a long time wish to run a game or two in the Midkemia setting, hoping to find supplements and guides. Alas, there seems to be a deficit. Oh well! I can just bastardize the rules as I usually enjoy.

Finally, I have been doing some research into unique self defense techniques. I have been interested in this particular combat style for a few years now. Bartitsu, or sometimes called in conjunction with Sherlock Holmes, Baritsu. The English gentleman's mode of personal safety. It is mostly cross-training between Judo & Stick fighting but damned if I don't want to learn. Might just buy those books and start getting in shape.

Just a Caster

So, instead of posting about the 20 other things I have rough drafts for, I'm gonna talk about D&D.

Right know I'm in a game that meets for most of the day on Sundays (after church for some of us. Who said Christians don't know how to party. Get it? Eh?) and this group has been meeting, changing and shifting consistently for about three or four years.

In the campaign we're in right now I'm playing a PC & Cohort combo where I am trying to be as ambiguous as possible as to which one is my main character and which one is the full level character. (we're playing 3.5 right now, but our DM has been all over Pathfinder since it came out and his other group has even converted to it, I think it may be in our future.)

The 2 characters are twin brothers and I'm doing a blatant homage/parody of The Brothers Majere with a twist of course.

So, Caramon "El Espada" (he gave himself this honorific) is a full bore human fighter with several feat trees. He is decent in combat whether sans armor with only a dagger, or rocking full plate with his battle-ax, and although his swarthy Spanish accent and low wisdom make him out to be a rock brained meat-shield (as his brother has referred to him) he is not an idiot and some of his feats and tactics reflect this.

Rayelstin "Ray" "El Palabra" (his brother insists he use this honorific but personally disdains it) is a devout worshiper of Boccob and seeks knowledge of magic of any type. Dual class Wizard & Archivist, he will most likely prestige into Mystic Theruge after one more level of Archivist.

Common encounters include "El Espada" proclaiming that he is "Caramon! El Espada, and this is my brother, Rayelstin . . . " Caramon holds his hand towards Ray. Ray looks pained. Caramon: "say it." Ray, in a weary voice: " el palabra." Caramon: "yes! El Palabra. He is the brains and I am the brains, the brawn and the steel, if you know what I mean." Ray sighs.

It's been interesting with the caster as I was attempting to use only spells that both arcane and divines could use. I'm falling off that a bit but hope to re-align the concept. As the idea is that he was a priest of Boccob and happened to be more bookish than a normal cleric and this was the result.

As El Espada, it's just silly fun claiming to be the hero and not doing too bad a job at it. He's had a couple mishaps, such as needing to be healed profusely as well as being turned to stone recently, but he takes it all in stride as (he believes) there is nothing he and his brother can not overcome.

AGGAAIIN!?!?

shit is a happening, and I'm in the middle of it. I have no idea when I will have a few hours free to write anything, this is being posted between class and performance after being out late playing a D&D pick up game. Heh, oh, the nerd life is a hectic one.
Stay weird, space cowboys . . . .
We be g33ks, peace!
....[+]
H4773r

Gamer Superstitions

(Persevere my brethren! Together, we shall confirm!!)

If you know, or are, a tabletop gamer, you know that there is something . . . odd, about their relationship with dice.

For some of us, its simple. We get mad when we roll poorly and excited when we roll well. For others, we spurn and embrace the little polyhedrons as the winds favor certain combinations.



For some of us though, an animistic view becomes prevalent and we find ourselves test rolling dice, feeling bonds with dice, selecting them from a balance of aesthetic, balance, "rolls" and even materials (ty to JBJ for my pewter dice set, they have served me well!).

I find every approach valid and as long as it is fun and healthy (I use the term loosely, especially in the mental arena) I think it has become an essential part of the tabletop culture. (Picture? see Commandment #8)


Although I have recently discovered THIS GUY (He seems kind of odd at first, and yes, he is VERY passionate about the dice, I believe it and recommend them to any who are even slightly interested) thanks to Gilliam, and fully intend to purchase some dice and use them (Gilly has a set already and they are very crisp and clean, they feel very exact) I still like a little "mojo" to dice and think it adds to the overall experience.


I've heard rumors that the longer you play, the better you roll, but I find this to be invalid.

Some members of my group have used dice rolling software for ease and simplicity, and to further my geek cred, we can tabletop on the fly by keeping our character sheets on digital copy. How many times have you seen a group of geeks playing D&D at a park WITHOUT pencils or dice? Done it! BUT! I shy away from it. Much like music and books for me, having a digital is nice, but having a tactile object, something that cant run out of power, is always preferable to me.

This is just my opinion, but I think there is more to it than just convenience and economy. Whether you're feeling out the "right" dice at the local comic shop or hand painting numbers onto your new razor-sharp-verticesed d4's, keep rollin' kids. Here's to those sweet rolls that make a great story years later, that only other weirdos like you can understand. Those great opening lines "this one time in-game . . ."

P.S. House rule I like, If you roll Yatzhee on more than 3d, you deal double damage if its greater than average, and roll again if it's less than.(True Story, J-explosion did this. I still hate him. "Pics or it didn't happen" right?)

Jace's Lullaby

(I cooked this up for a D&D campaign. My character sings it at night before bed when they make camp, or each night while hes on ship, after the changing of the first eve's watch.)

Jace's Lullaby

My pretty lass, my pretty lass, how I miss your lovely face

You know not who's singin' lass? Tis your darlin' Jace.

My pretty lass, my pretty lass, I long for you to be near

bless my bones my pretty lass, my song can you not hear?

Ahoy my darlin' how have you come to me?

Ye' shant be here, yet I you've found, out upon the sea.

What is wrong my pretty lass? Out of sorts you seem

you gaze off into the distance as if in a dream.

What is that my dear, you have found me at last?

But you were safe in port while I followed the mast.

Oh heavens no, it can not be true.

You threw yourself into the blue.

Alas my dear you know not what you've done

because you've drowned yourself my dear we can not be one.

For when lubers die, they go to heaven or to hell,

And when I pass the Blessed Ilse is where I shall dwell

So, now my love, travel on and take heart

Though forever we must now be apart,

One shall sing for you, your darlin' Jace,

My pretty lass, my pretty lass, keep a smile upon your face.

A Ballad I Ran

A Time or two ago there was a man who traveled afar
He traipsed across the countryside and frequented inns and bars
Through his travels and adventures he gained fortune and fame
A bard, a hero, a scoundrel, Ran Dansin was his name.

For a time he had not been seen in all his home lands
Twas rumored he was in other worlds or simply relaxing on the sands
The world was still young, not all places had been traveled
One merely had to seek out beasts to quickly be unraveled

One of these creatures awoke and sought out destruction
none can recall what it was called, just that it caused great disruption
needless to say it was of an evil way, terrorized and slew
a few tried to get it to die, but none knew exactly what to do

The beast had been sighted near a hamlet, the folks shook with fear
but over the crest of a hill, a merry tune being sung, they did hear
a tall hat with checkered pattern and wear, atop a man with great stride
an overlarge nose, odd cape, boots with red fringe and a rapier at his side.

Turn away traveler, the townspeople warned,
a beast most fowl and its company you should scorn
HA! cried the man, a good song it will make
Bring me your strongest willing bodies and, perhaps some tea and cake?

so assembled, the few of the village who were true
they wondered at this odd man and wondered at his world view
as to the creature, what does it do he inquired after tea
it tears and bites and knocks down walls, none has returned that did see

The crumpets were delicious, he said, but use creme instead of milk
as for this creature, i might be wearing one of its ilk
do you have any remnants from an earlier attack?
why yes, some piped up, our old great uncle, carl and aunt jack

they brought forth a pretty thing of lace and set it below Dansin's face
ah, mayhaps were they tailors and this was their last piece
no it was jacks, the two were lost in the last attack
oh, eheh, gimme a moment to inspect the item, in the meanwhile, have any sack?

so they brought for a jug a few went glug-alug and dansin sat in thought
he turned the fabric this way and that and sniffed it an awful lot
after the booze had been drunk up, he suddenly jumped
i know this creature, ive fought one before and have a trump

he flipped off his hat and placed it upside down and began to dig within it
he cursed and hooted and jumped once or twice, the bottomed seem to have no limit
till finally he pulled out a bottle as well as a fishing pole
and to the questioning looks he replied, im not getting close to it would any of you souls?

he set out to the hillside where the monster was last seen, other brave townies in tow
he hooked the bottle to the pole and set it in a tree, and said, watch how we do this just so
they waited in quiet, they waited in fear, the suspense was great at the time
then it got late, and a few yawned and graped, but then, there was a tug at the line

all of them sweated and strained to see, but the dusk confused their sight
they knew it was the beast from the snarls and teeth against bottle, its bite
Ran just held the pole, line slack and limp, he didnt real or tug, just sat
then the line went taught, the bottle went crash, and the villagers froze where they were at

coughing and wheezing and howling and screaming came from the beast
then slowly but surely the ruckus got quieter and the it made noise the least.
Ran waited an extra moment then said that should do it and just strolled towards the bait
and the people heard him say we live but for this thing, its too late

it took a few minutes for the truth to sink in, but at last the people knew
the thing was no more , they were safe now, for Dansin had slew
but they heard knife against bone and grunt and slash and feared for Ran's life
one brave went to Dansin, but found him knee deep in its blood and in his hand a new bone fife

my companion got the last one, he said with blood on his brow
i only got this belt, but balls to him, i have the set now
the creature was unrecognizable, what it was only Dansin knew
but the leather was supple and its meat made a great stew

at the banquet that morning many inquired what the bottle was
Dansin told them truthfully, it was no more than dandelion and suds
they were dumbfounded, and stunned, to believe many were loath
Ran calmly explained, that that creature was fiercely allergic to both

A Time or two ago there was a man who traveled afar
He traipsed across the countryside and frequented inns and bars
Through his travels and adventures he gained fortune and fame
A bard, a hero, a scoundrel, Ran Dansin was his name.

Old R4n7 (4-17-08)

R4n7 4-17-08

as for me, lord, where to start. well, horny beyond belief, but thats nothing new, damn hormones . . . im only in 2 classes this semester and im still finding it hard to go to them regularly. screen writing is interesting, im working on a semi-autobiographical script chronicling my break up with my ex as well as the rekindling of my love for thaetre, very deep, meaningful and dramatic . . . I HATE IT! i lived it, i dont want to relive it again, thats why i play warcraft and D&D and play dress up no less than 3 times a year.

Speaking of Warcraft, good lord am i addicted. and now, 2 of my friends who dont even play WoW are hooked on the card game, its like Magic The Gathering, only for WoW and they want to play constantly. poor guy, one of em, (The Blave), has played all the original Real Time strategy versions of Warcraft, so he knows all this back story, but he's never played WoW so hes always like "but hat makes no sense in the old games, this and this was this way" so Tink(theatreg33k) and I have to explain to him "NO! no making sense anymore, WoW has ruined any semblance of plot the game had, get over it!"
But yeah, WAY too much time spent playing that, ive got my 70 mage doing dailies constantly, and a 65 hunter im finally getting up to 70, and a 42 war i need to get up to outland so that guild can get raiding.

THE OTHER class is advanced acting, and well, it should be "excersices and coaching for acting" cause all we do is read scripts, listen to the proffesor, do scenes and play acting games.

I am sound designing for not only a high school show (the odd couple, female version), but for a "real" theatre company, Arclight Theatre and i'll be doing the sound for Twelfth Night, so that should be fun.

ALSO, i recently got a job at Armor-geddon, and i should start monday, that's gonna be interesting. It's gonna be like working at a corporate comic shop, the guy who hired me is really gun-ho about making the store into something great and caring about the store and the product, as well as making sales, in order to keep the store afloat. so more of a commitment then i was looking for in a store, but thats okay, it should be good for me, and i like that in a management staff.

so thats whats up with me.

Paranoia & Nicknames

So, If you read more than a few posts here, you will notice I don't use peoples real names anywhere, and more often then not, they're nicknames.
Ever since the wee years of my internet exploits I was aware of the fact that bad things happen when random people have access to your personal info. It has remained a prudent exercise ever since, hence, why my real name is never used here, and anyone who doesn't already have a well established web handle, gets a nickname I feel adequately describes them, or has been pre-approved by them. a few people who will probably re-occur follow:
Theatreg33k, my fiance, she is also an actress, we live together, owns a cat (don't even get me started on that cat), she's currently employed by a major corporation, is a presence in most social networking sites and has her own site which I can't find right now. More about her and our relationship in other posts, trust me.
Epyon_avenger: A good friend of mine out here in the left valley. He is a Tech for a private school, a nerdlinger supreme, and hosts a couple Neverwinter servers. One of the many geeks In my D&D circle, doppleganger to . . .
PievuhG: Origionally just, my co-worker, at the high end weapons shop we work at, soon became a great friend as her geeky flag flew brightly, with a rainbow on it. One of the lesbians Theatreg33k and I have added to our collection (we collect lesbians, i'm sure there will be a post) she's cureently single, and it has been established by all of us that her and Epyon are the same people from different realities, or something to that effect. She used to do Repo, and is a mechanic, soooo dykey, its great.
The Blave: An overacheiver, a bear of a man, a teddy bear that is. He looks like like a viking, very norse pillager, but he's happy and amicable all the time. A theatre/english teacher at a local high school, The Blave is also a constant fixture in our D&D groups. I call him The Blave because he has a penchant for telling outlandish white lies, and more often than not people beleive him. see D.O.S. in any of Theatreg33ks other sites.
I will post other character profiles later, probably name them Nicknames again.

WHATS?! with the blog name?

This is one of my favorite stories. It's long, detailed, and geeky (insert wang joke here). You have been warned.
I have been playing Dungeons & Dragons in all it's incarnations since . . . '97? maybe '98, definitely before 2000, as I started in AD&D. One way our friends would find each other would be to yell "What's a THAC0!?" But, I digress. (watch out, these parenthesis, and tangents things happen a lot.)
With my very fist gaming group, Mjerk, Jjerk, FeetRcold, and a couple others (nicknames are be covered in another blog, don't worry) I rolled a Bard named Ran Dansin. Mjerk, was the DM and this was a Alice in Wonderland-centric game. We ended off in a Battle of wits against the American McGee's version of the Mad Hatter, and through our exploits, my bard acquired a Mad Hatter Hat. This hat was awesome because not only could our gnome walk its brim like a turret(magically, of course) we could dangle him into the hat and had a 65% chance to pull out any mundane item, 23% chance to pull out any uncommon item, 10% chance to pull out any truly rare items, and 2% for anything ridiculously rare, but there had to be more than like 2 of it in the universe.
Fast forward about four years, I begin gaming with The Blave, Epyon_Avenger, Jubbles, and a couple others and The Blave is our DM. I ask if I can resurrect my bard and more importantly his signature hat. The Blave approves, but because he is a stickler for rules and our group was full of power gamers, he "neutered" or more precisely set rules for the hat with random tables. I blindly agreed, thrilled my hat would make it into the game (we started fairly low level and this was effectively a wondrous item) little did I know what horrors this item would visit upon us. The two most common items we pulled out of the Hat were shards of broken glass, which dealt about 1d4 damage to your hands, and really smelly cheese, which would cause -1d4 temporary charisma damage. Mundane annoyances weren't the only things we pulled out of the hat, to The Blave's credit, over the course of a nine month campaign, I pulled out two wee genie's which helped me meet the preq's to be a duelist(these were mostly to accommodate my lack of power building skills and allow me to be more useful in combat) as well as a jackalope named Plot Point who was originally our sorcerer's new familiar, but became this unmitigated ball of dragoon brokenness run by The Blave as his harbinger of doom in his game world. Later, I would pull out a flock of giant, cat sized mosquito's that literally killed me(I have been constantly reminded by The Blave how because I was his favorite character he was constantly smudging damage to keep me alive. great, I was his personal stress ball). As well as lesser jackalopes, males, so that Plot Point could defeat them in single combat and then devour their glands(this was how he leveled) and female jackalopes, so that he could mate with them, defeat them in single combat, and eat their glands, you see the pattern? Apparently this increased his charisma, whatever.
At one point, as I was reaching into the hat, something grabbed me and pulled me into the hat, I was terrified, after all the things I had pulled out, this was not a good idea. Turns out, a giant version of me in another dimension pulled me out of HIS hat. I stood there in shock, and he stared at me for a few seconds, and said, "I wish for a plus two keen, fiery rapier." I replied, "That sounds awesome, but get Vicious and keen if you've got a healer." To which he replied, "No, you're a wee genie and you're gonna grant me a wish, although you look really familiar." Me,"sorry dude, but I have a hat on the other side and you pulled me, I can't grant wishes." Him, "you have a hat too? Isn't it great, wee genies and gold all the time? and a healing jackalope? I pull out the genies all the time!" Me, "really? all I keep pulling out is crap!" He seemed to take pity on me at this point, so he sent me off with a copper piece, which to me was about five feet in diameter, we lugged that thing around till we found a forge to break it down. It was miserable.
Later on, it became a tradition between some of the more screwball members of the group (it fluctuated from he original 5 up to a total of fourteen, technically, over the summer, and everywhere in between) that any new members of the group were greeted with "It's Time for everybody's favorite initiation! WHATS?! IN THE HAT!?!?!?" One of the more memorable initiations was -Brad Again-'s warrior. Not the sharpest shovel in the drawer(yes, I know) he actually managed to pull out a cockatrice, which is an undead chicken that can turn things to stone. Fortunately this warrior was too dumb to be turned to stone, so he pulled it out of the hat, made his fort save and the chicken crowed "bwuahhah!" Me, "what is it?" Jubbles moved his pointer finger through a ring of his other fingers and made a squeaking noise, "his name is herbert." me, " if it wasn't before, it is now." and coincidentally, that's how my rubber chicken got his name. Herbert became the warriors drinking buddy, and one morning after a night of too many ales, the war grabbed the cockatrice and yelled "HOW DID YOU SLEEP CHICKEN!?!?" too which it replied, "KROAWAH!!"
So, there you have it, since the H47 sits on my head, you're reaching your hand right in, be careful, you could get stinky cheese, or hopefully, wee genies.